"We're men (MANLY men)..." part one

Being a man is more difficult that it looks. Don't get me wrong, I think that men generally have the easier go of things in general (heck, the fact that we don't have to give birth is a clear win on our part) and just existing as a woman is difficult. Things like discrimination, sexism, domestic violence, etc, really make it hard to be a woman, much moreso than being a man. To argue that you would have to be a fool or insane...
Nevertheless, I am not going to argue that point.
However, despite the troubles the 'fairer sex' faces, I would like to present the case that it is difficult being a man as well. My reasons for doing so are because I recently got a job doing landscaping - some hard, physical, manly labour - and after three-and-a-half days, I was let go because I am "not cut out for a labour position" (my ex-bosses words). I tried to take it well, but the more I thought about it, the worse I felt because it was not like when I was fired from Petro-Canada (which was no big loss). This was someone saying to me "you are not enough of a man to do a man's job!" I have been reflecting somewhat on this thought in the past few days, and even before that, for much of my life, wondering what it means to be a man, and what my expectations are, both from myself, and from society around me. I will use myself as the example/contrast of what men are supposed to be.
Currently, there is a TV commercial for a cologne (I think it is Calvin Klein). The commercial begins with Matthew McConaughey walking down the street, having his picture taken by fans an paparazzi alike. He walks into what I presume is supposed to be his house (or apartment). I presume this because he walks in, takes of his shirt and flops on the couch, turning on the TV to watch...something (probalby sports, or something with explosions and half-naked women...which can apply to certain sports, now that I think of it). The commercial ends with him smiling as flashbulbs continue to go off around him, like the photographers followed him into his house and he does not mind. Actually, it is kind of a lame commercial, but it is interesting in that it is advertising a product that is designed completely for men, and what they choose to show us is a man who is obviously blessed with an abundance of time to work out. Matthew McConaughey is a very fit man. His six pack is so defined that you can read what brand it is (oddly enough, he is a Coors man...). When he takes off that shirt, it is clearly the ad's way of saying 'here is a man. You must try to look and act like him or you are less of a man. Buy our perfume...I mean cologne and you can be a real man too!'
So I look at myself and what do I see? I see a no-pack that is quickly turning into a keg (I'm not fat, but I have developed a bit of a stomach, which I never had before...I guess time is catching up to me). I see a nose that is not small, teeth that are not perfect, a five o'clock shadow that comes in every March at best (my gotee region is pretty good, but I cannot grow a beard), arms that are not very strong, and I am a rather pasty white colour. Did you know that I find it hard to buy underwear sometimes because the men they have modelling on the packages are in way better shape than I will ever be? I feel a bit intimidated...and uncomfortable being in an aisle with pictures of that many half-naked men. So physically, I don't measure up.
But I can look out of shape and still be athletically inclined, right? Because men should love playing sports. We should want to run around, hitting things, kicking things, punching things, and occasionally playing games between the bar fights. But truth be told, the only sports I like playing are frisbee and curling. Frisbee is non-contact, but I don't have the endurance for it (it is a very intense cardio work out, but enjoyable), and curling can be played professionally while drinking, so it is not exactly up for Mr. Tough Guy Sport of the Year honours. I enjoy watching sports, so I guess that is something. But I know guys who don't really enjoy sports - does that make them less of a man? If you believe conventional wisdom and stereotypes, then yes!
All right then, how about my love life? As a man, I should be trying to get into the pants of every woman that goes by. But I don't. This is a bit of a tricky one because as a Christian, obviously my priorities should be different (I am sad that I had to say 'should be' instead of 'obviously are'). So let me reword the statement - I should be charming and manly and women should be falling in love with me, thus giving me the chance to practice my virtuous nature of never taking advantage of a lady. Well, I still don't fit the bill. Women don't respond to me that way. Generally, women seem to like me. They think I am a nice guy, kind of like a brother. They all want to know why I am not dating...someone else. Maybe I should shave my head and grow a manly gotee...nope, didn't work (that wasn't my reason for doing either)(no, really). I don't have that manly animal magnetism that makes the ladies swoon. Truth be told, I took the Birkman Test recently, a personality test that is career oriented, showing what jobs would work best with my personality to leave me feeling fulfilled and happy. Somewhere in there it very specifically pointed out that I am somewhat lacking in the charm area (which would hurt a job in a sales field).
What else is expected of a man? I should know a great deal about cars, right? The only reason I know anything about cars is because I am friends with Peter Ralph, a man for whom cars come pretty naturally. He understands them, sometimes just intuitively knows how everything works together, and really enjoys working on them. Me, not so much. I don't mind working on them somewhat, usually with him, but it is difficult sometimes because I don't understand what they are doing and how they work. I am not very mechanically inclined most of the time in most things. It is frustrating because I feel like other people are constantly figuring out how things work and where things should go and why when it goes completely over my head. Things make sense when explained to me, usually (and if explained in the right way, but that is an individual learning method as opposed to a manly expectation), but I cannot figure them out on my own.
Luckily for me, I am a great leader, just like a man should be...oh wait. I am not a great leader, at least not in the stereotypical manly way. I am nothing like Napoleon, or Patton, or Lincoln, or...pick your man. Heck, even Jesus was a brash, loud, manly leader (read the Gospels - he did not pull any punches). Me, I'm more of a quiet guy, hang out in the back, observe, let others take the vocal lead. I am not extremely aggressive, which is another manly trait. I should be charging into battle, yelling my war cry, rallying the troops. But I would rather sit back, relax a bit, not get so uptight about things.
Ooh, how about this - I am good with kids. I like hanging out with kids, playing with them. Women are always saying 'he is good with kids' in a very positive way. Of course, they have to say it because it is not necessarily common, like it is a surprise. Especially for someone who has never had kids. Oh wait, that's right, because it is not a very manly trait. Men can like kids okay, and roughhouse with them, but that is about it. They have to be tough and manly and not coddle kids, and they definitely can't show affection to them. That is not very manly.
I'm sure there are more ways in which I am expected to be a man, but this is a depressing list as it is, so I am going to move on.
As you can see from what I have written, there is a great deal of pressure in being a man. Everything, from movies to TV shows to music seem to depict men as being big strong womanising men! Sure there are plenty of depictions of overweight men and it is more acceptable than overweight women (I actually admire Roseanne, both the TV show and the comedienne herself for being able to be popular and not be a stick), but even then, the portly men are often bumbling idiots. Yet they are manly men because it is okay for men to be bumbling idiots. While I am not exactly graceful, I am not bumbling by any means. Clumsy maybe...
What does it mean to be a man? What does God want from me as a man? I'll see about answering that in my next post.