Tomorrow

Sometimes I feel like the world is so close. I get these weird flashes of energy and enthusiasm and it feels like the solution to all of my various problems are just barely out of reach. I know that if I just call this person, pick up this thing and go to this place, everything will improve. I'm ready to go, willing to hop in my car to do it. The problem is this almost always happens at night, and by the time I'm ready to go, this person is asleep, this store is closed, and if I go outside, I'll get mugged. Okay, that last part is not necessarily true, but it is dark and scary outside.
So I decide to do whatever it is I need to do tomorrow. And then I wake up in the morning and I'm tired because my energy wouldn't let me sleep until much later than I should be up. I then have to go to work and by the time work is done, I just want to go home and I don't mind if I kick a small puppy along the way because it has been that kind of day, even when it hasn't. I get home and fall into my mind-numbing routines (because a numb mind doesn't have to think or try) and even if I have mild stirrings of the feeling, they produce fear and loathing instead of optimism and eagerness, so I just don't bother. It's very frustrating.
It doesn't help that I am somewhat cynical and pessimistic. It's not that I completely expect the worst of everything, but I do tend to think the worst of myself. Plus, I've seen enough from people in general to expect poor decisions and failure in general. Some would say the same thing and then try to tell people that they are 'not pessimistic, just realistic'. I say, call it what you want, it's pessimism, even if it is justified. But that's just a side rant. The point is, when I'm not firmly in the grips of my enthusiasm and energy, I tend to not be able to muster enough energy to care about what seemed so important only hours ago.
I think part of the problem is that I sometimes get too caught up in the big picture and start to ignore the little picture. For example, if I went to somewhere in Asia where they have the temples at the top of very high hills with massive staircases (you know the kind - with 1000 steps or more)(I've seen them in movies), I would not only have trouble getting to the top, I would have trouble even bothering to begin because I would see all of the steps and not be able to gather the energy to begin. But if I just looked at the first twenty stairs, I would be able to do that. And then, once I'm that far, I could do the next twenty-five, and then the next eighteen until I suddenly find myself at the top. Basically the solution to all of life's problems are a series of smaller steps, and it is only when I look at the entire staircase that I doubt myself and fail.
This all sounds good now, but how will I feel tomorrow?