Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Pt Interlude

Welcome Thunderfunk fans! Due to the recent Thanksgiving holiday, I have not had the opportunity, nor, I must admit, the desire, to continue the next exciting chapter of the Superchicken saga. But do not fret, for I have a special treat for you today! Never before seen character bios. This will list all of the main characters, few though they may be. And then tune in next week where I will give the next step of the story, where Thunderfunk gives the Japanese navy fits. But until then, enjoy...

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Hatched at a chicken farm in the shadow of Three Mile Island, Thunderfunk is the product of a combination of radiation, genetic engineering, alien DNA and a bad acid trip. But don't tell him, because as far as he is concerned, he is the normal one, and the rest of the chickens are "kind of slow, in a Forrest Gump sort of way." Due to neglectful parenting and the fact that his self-esteem wasn't coddled as a child (just because he skipped two-thirds of his classes, never handed in any assignments, and he simply wrote "Buh-KAW!" on his final exam, that's no reason to hold him back a grade (now he's only Grade 'A' chicken) in elementary school) he grew up to be evil. On the other hand, it also turned out that he was a genius. After missing that grade, he made up for it by being skipped ahead and graduating high school by the age of 14, and getting his doctorate in some complicated scientific field by the age of 18. There were lots of isms in the degree. Even though he could have taken any job on the planet that he wanted, he decided to strike out on his own, funding his research through subterfuge, robbery, extortion, and bank loans. As he grew his empire, he grew more and more bitter and jaded. It wasn't long before the money wasn't enough. Soon, he decided that it would be best for everyone involved if he just ruled the world. After his bid for the presidency failed, he turned to a life of crime, creating evil schemes to seize power from the unworthy cretins that currently wielded it. The bad news for the world is that Thunderfunk the Superchicken is the most evil one on the planet. The good news is that he is also extremely unfocussed. He has an estate in northern Maine, a region that holds much appeal to him due to its vast wilderness. He has taken on a ward, because "if Batman can do it, then so can I!" He is also extremely competitive, which comes in handy at times. At least for his ward...

Straw Daq - Straw grew up in a military household, the son of a hotshot airforce pilot. From a young age, Straw showed great aptitude for piloting, always scoring high on the simulators that his mother allowed him to run, and often beating her scores. By the age of fourteen, he had his private pilot's licence and his commercial pilot's licence. By the age of 16, he had flown an F-14 at Mach One. Officially, the report on the incident stated that, on a flight with his mother, he had had to fly the plane after his mother passed out. The unofficial reason was that he had been dared to do it by a buddy of his. Straw was grounded for a week. No word on the fate of his buddy. After a falling out with his mother, Straw ran away from home and joined a company that went around the country performing at air shows. Straw became a barnstormer, but was left unemployed shortly thereafter when the company he had joined shut down because they suddenly remembered that no one went to air shows any more and that they weren't going to be able to pay their employees. Frankly, it was kind of awkward for everyone involved. However, they let Straw keep the biplane that he had been using. Almost immediately he was taken under the wing (HA!) of Thunderfunk the Superchicken, who had need of a pilot and mechanic for his nefarious schemes. Straw quickly realised what he had gotten himself into, but rather than leave, he had decided to stick it out. He had noticed that Thunder, as he liked to call him, seemed to be rather unfocussed at times. Also, he was very competitive, which meant that he was able to divert the evil schemes to good use. Straw Daq has a tough job, trying to keep a super genius in line, but it is one he accepts with good grace and humour. An extremely gifted mechanic, he is able to make any flying machine work properly, or improperly. He finds the world he lives in to be slightly odd, and is not quite sure what to think about a giant, talking, super chicken, but he deals with it as best he can. He spends most of his time dealing with the competition between Thunder and his greatest enemy...

Cornelius J. Breadbuuter - He is the second most evil person on the planet, and is definitely the most focussed. He met Thunderfunk when they were both at college. They had developped a rivalry that extended beyond their college years. Cornelius wasn't particularly unloved as a child. In fact, the only reason he became evil was because he was bored, and it seemed exciting at the time. Now, he is totally focussed on his endeavour to enslave humanity, or seize power, or just be generally evil. Somehow, though, all of his evil plans are thwarted by Thunderfunk. He hates Thunderfunk....

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Thunderfunk, under Straw Daq's prodding, spends most of his time trying to stop Cornelius J. Breadbuuter's plans. Though he is capable of extreme evil on his own, he manages to do much good when he is stopping the evil of others. The fact that other people are trying to out-evil him makes him sooooo angry. He has made it his mission to crush anyone else who is trying to make evil plans, especially if they rival his own. This leaves very little time to make evil plans of his own. On the other hand, he can be a bit of a jackass when he wants to be. And he doesn't tip well. Jerk...

Mrs. Henderson - Mrs. Henderson is Thunderfunk's neighbour. She is an older lady with a kind heart. She loves baking cookies for Thunderfunk, and is constantly coming over to pester him, though she views it as more of a social visit. She seems to have a bit of a crush on Thunder, though whether she has noticed that he is actually a giant chicken remains to be seen. She is completely unable to see how evil that he really is, especially since it seems that he has trouble being evil around her. Stay tuned....

Mr. Penticton - Mr Penticton is Mrs. Henderson's cat. He is always stalking Thunder, and constantly trying to eat him. Given that Thunder is WAY bigger than the normal chicken, it is quite a challenge that seems to vex the feline constantly. On the other hand, Thunder is extremely aggravated by Mr Penticton and is always trying to destroy the cat. Fortunately, Mr Penticton is very crafty and will stay alive for quite some time. There is no period behind ‘Mr’ on purpose. That’s his name. Mr - pronounced like 'Mer', without the 'e'. Mr, and that's it...

Pops Finchy - Another one of Thunderfunk's foes, Pops is an old-school villain. He comes from a time when there was honour among thieves. He refuses to deal drugs at all, instead relying on other shady business deals to run his empire. A very shadowy figure, he stays on the sidelines and lets his minions fight his battles for him. Rules the underground with an iron fist, literally. His real hand was lost in an embarassing ballet incident. Don't ask him about it, though. It kind of enrages him....

So there you have it, a list of the characters that you have met, plus one bonus one that has yet to show up. Incidentally, if you are also curious as to the lack of update on The Importance of a Good Breakfast, it's for the same Thanksgiving related reasons.

Stay tuned tomorrow for an update about my job life....