Stream of Consciousness

…be dead on the inside i cant imagine how to be alive why is this happening my anger is so unjustified but i am constantly pushed aside where is anyone when i need them how can i possibly seek god when he is so distant why does he always seem to hide from me where is everyone alone and scared i cry out in fear learning to use the darkness as a blanket how come i cant do it right when will it be my turn to love to smile to be alive the fear is driving me insane pick up the phone use it why should i bother its not like anyone cares is there light at the end of the tunnel when can i go home again the humour hides who they really are lol lol oh god why cant i stop laughing im afraid of who i will become the god of wonders seems to ignore me but why cant i just walk away it seems so easy others do it all the time but here i am again crying out to the one who never seems to answer am i a glutton for punishment the seeming illogic of these actions are so unvulcan but i wait again to hear something anything worth sticking around for i hear a voice i was not expecting to hear i shake my head a ray of hope slams into me full force am i taking this too hard will i really find what im looking for i dont know maybe this time will be different than every other time wait i hear a voice again louder this time is the answer finally before me i listen harder and the voice comes clearer it says…