Just a simple wooden thing

I wear a necklace. There has to be a better name for it. It doesn't have diamonds or pearls or gold or anything like that. Since I am not a female, a rapper, nor a cocky athlete, I am not the sort to be wearing anything shiny. Really, it is just a small cross on a string.
But whatever you want to call it, I like to wear it. It is not a fashion statement. Most of the time it is underneath my shirt, completely invisible (unless you notice the string around my neck, but even that gets hidden under my shirt much of the time). I don't wear as any sort of statement or to bring any sort of attention to myself. The reason I wear it is as a statement to myself of what I believe, a physical reminder of the sacrifice that set me free.
I have not worn it for about a month. Right now, the song 'Numb' by U2 just started playing, I that is an accurate description of my reason for not wearing it. I have just been numb lately. There has been no energy in my life. I am in a rut, and it has extended to my relationship with God. Some days I feel like nothing has changed in my life for years. Sure I live in a different city, and yet it feels like my life is the same as it was in Regina, I just pay more rent now. My entire life has worn me down to the nub.
I need to change my headspace somehow. I need to get out of this rut, into a new groove (heh). That is part of why I am applying for Black Forest Academy. It is a chance to see God working in other parts of the world, and see how He works in me in these parts of the world. It is forcing myself to have energy in new areas, to leap out of my comfort zone and find new ways to learn about God, about myself, about the world.
The best two weeks of the past few years of my life were this summer, working at an English camp in Switzerland. It wasn't the camp part that was so amazing, but being somewhere else and seeing God in creation, in people, in myself. I didn't work at a camp, I spent two weeks seeing God work in subtle ways and in grand ways, in small steps and in large bounds, in minor explosions and contained fires. I was alive!
There are those among you who may be smiling knowingly to themselves and thinking that I am on my way to being a career missionary. I still don't think that, even remotely. There are times when I wonder if the whole career missionary thing is even the best option at all anymore. It just seems to me that in my life I won't ever be someone who is just out there as a missionary, or even working full time in a church/ministry setting. But whatever I do, there will be a focus on helping people, whether it is physical needs, spiritual needs, emotional needs, or some combination. Doing something beyond my job, or incorporated into my work, but again, not in a classical ministry model. I just can't see it, I just can't see me being comfortable in it. But I don't know what exactly I am thinking would look like.
But maybe BFA is a good stepping stone.

Just so everyone knows, I am going to be out of town for the next week, specifically in Langley, working nights. I should be back on Friday (which means I might not be back for two weeks, the way things go with Home Depot sometimes).
Ciao