The font in my dreams

You know, there are times when I just don't know exactly what to do. Quite often I feel like I have taken a step back from life and I see things without any sort of emotion or connection and I don't see much point to much. For example, every once in a while I just cannot enjoy eating. It seems to be so pointless. Making foods that taste so different and has a variety of smells and colours and textures just feels like a waste of time because you end up chewing it all up, only to do it again a little later in the same day.
Even to me, that sounds kind of silly. But there are times when it is not so silly. I find myself looking at all things in life that way and it gets me frustrated, especially when it comes to dealing with people. I feel like there are so many relationships (and I don't mean exclusively dating relationships, but just the relationships everyone has with everyone else) that are just made more difficult becuase there are things that just can't be said, certain truths that can't be revealed because it might make someone uncomfortable. Why does everyone have to hide so much?
I have an extreme nature. I tend to go from one end to another without having a stay in the middle ground. The big picture is completely visible to me, but I don't really see the brush strokes that make up the big picture. Except, what I'm talking about today might be described as seeing the brush strokes and nothing else, being incapable of seeing the picture for what it is.
How many people have been hurt because they just weren't able to say the whole truth, to be free with themselves and with others, complete with warts and rainbows? Frustration, to me, is realising that I am unable to give words of encouragement because they will be misconstrued and there is nothing I can do about it, so I would rather say nothing. What kind of solution is that?
My life is not perfect, I make mistakes like everyone else. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I do know that many of the struggles that I have endured have been because of my reluctance to actually vocalise my problems because I feel that people don't want to hear them - not because they don't care about me, but because there is a notion of me in their minds and people don't like their preconceived notions to be destroyed. But how many problems are better left covered up? I can't think of any.
This is where my extreme nature comes into play. I don't see the point of telling only some people. I want to just force people to confront their own feelings about any issue I might be having. If it makes them uncomfortable, I want them to face that feeling and see what they do with it. Isn't the Christian community supposed to be an open community, one that shares and uplifts all members? So why do I often feel like there are only a small number of people who might react well to brutal honesty.
If we are talking about brutal honesty, I have to say that I don't know how I would respond to someone else doing what I'm talking about. How would I face such openess? I can't say.
Having written all of this, I am unable to come to a conclusion even in my own mind. I tend to get impulsive sometimes, and that may happen again. Or it might not. Talk to me a week from now and I may have completely forgotten about what I talked about here. Or I may let you see more than I have ever shared before. I do know that whatever happens, it will most likely occur in writing. I am very weak in orating my ideas. But when I write something, I write what I mean (even if it gets a bit confused because I don't know what I mean).
I guess we'll all just have to stay tuned...