Stuff and Things

Throughout my life I have been aware of the spiritual world that exists around us. I think it is a pretty clear teaching that our world is more than just the physical realm which we experience on a daily basis. I have been witness to miracles that are inexplicable otherwise. I knew a girl in high school who received prayer for a bad back (it was twisted or bent somehow - there’s a name for it that I can’t remember at the moment) and her back was instantly straightened, completely healed. I have heard many other stories that are even more amazing, told to me by people whom I trust explicitly. I think that the existence of a spiritual realm is pretty obvious to those who are looking.
Along with the good miracles, there are also malevolent spirits. I wrote that sentence mostly to use the word malevolent. I like that word. These bad spirits are constantly trying to get us to believe their lies and to turn our back on our Creator. Usually they are pretty subtle, going about their business in a way that will leave them under the radar, invisible to most people. But sometimes, they manifest themselves more explicitly, and I can honestly say I’m not sure why.
In my experience, the spirits that have made themselves most visible have been the ones that were dealt with most severely. Think back to Jesus’ day - people would bring the demon possessed to him and he would cast them out. I’m sure there were people back then who needed healing and forgiveness who never went to see Jesus because they weren’t possessed, they were just biting into the lies that were being presented to them.
In my own life, I have seen these same spirits acting in people’s lives. In college I was on the outer fringes of a pair of possessions – one my freshmen year and one my brother’s freshmen year (I think that would be my second year)(even though we are three years apart)(I took a break). I wasn’t particularly close to either person so I don’t really know the specifics. I do remember my freshmen year, gathering in the hallway with basically the rest of the dorm to pray as someone was working at ridding the spirit. It was kind of creepy. I have also heard more stories from people I trust about similar experiences. There was a girl in a youth group who was possessed (if I’m remembering correctly) and though I was never quite terribly involved with that aspect of her life, I did know her a little and I heard about what was happening with her. Another guy who was in college while I was still in high school (he was a friend of a friend) who I had met a time or two was possessed, growing to almost superhuman size and strength under the influence of this spirit. There are other stories, but I can’t remember them at the moment. I did a few minutes ago, but not now. It’s not that important, really.
Personally, I had never really had an intensely spirit moment. The closest I had come was waking up in the middle of the night and feeling vaguely creeped out because it is pitch black and I have a particularly vivid imagination. Oddly enough, it only occurred to me last week that when I am feeling a bit nervous about the dark that I could have just turned on the lamp I have beside my bed and sleep with it on, thus no longer being in the dark. Seriously, the thought had never occurred to me before. Sometimes I would turn on a light for a bit, but then I would turn it off and I would be able to see nothing because my night vision is ruined, so it is even worse and scarier.
The observant among you may have noticed that I said I had never really had an intensely spiritual moment. The first ‘had’ implies that I have now had one. Such an assumption, however, is not necessarily correct. Not for any linguistic reason, but because I myself am not sure what I experienced. I haven’t really mentioned this to many people, maybe only one that I can think of. I don’t know why.
All right, let me set the scene – it was shortly before I left Canada to come to Germany. I went to bed one night, and I wish I had written this down somewhere because I can’t remember the exact details properly, and it may make a difference as to what exactly happened. I guess I will just tell what I do know for sure. So I was laying in bed, trying to sleep. I was on my side, my front facing the wall (my bed had one wall at the head and one wall on the right side) when I felt something behind me. What it felt like was as though someone had crawled into the bed behind me and was spooning with me. I couldn’t move, so all I did was just repeat ‘Jesus’ again and again, calling His name. Suddenly the weight behind me left and I moved, stretching out and rolling over, feeling like I could breath again. I had drooled onto the pillow.
The thing is, I don’t know if I was dreaming or not. There are things that I am just not sure about. I don’t remember if this happened as I was going to sleep, if I had woken up in the middle of the night, or if it was in the morning as I was waking up after a night’s sleep. It had a surreal quality that my dreams usually possess. The weight behind me wasn’t just like someone right behind me, but it halfway seemed like someone had crawled under the mattress and that was pushing up their form, so it was like they were under the mattress and the mattress was spooning with me. Could I not move because I was scared, or because I was asleep and that was how the dream was going, or because the spirit was preventing me from moving?
I believe that the spiritual world affects our physical world, so it very well could have been something actually happening. I was in a very low place spiritually at that point, so I may have been a bit more susceptible to such an experience. It very well may have been a harmful spirit coming up to do me harm. Or maybe I just had a vivid dream. I have had a few dreams in the past that have really stuck with me emotionally in an intense manner, so that is possible too. A third option is that it was a dream, and I was being attacked spiritually in my dream. I think that dreams can be a spiritual battleground, that God sometimes can speak through our dreams. I have some thoughts about that I will share (maybe)(if I remember) in a later BLOG. I am not convinced either way. It may have been a bad (very bad) dream, or it may have been a spiritual attack. Either way, it scared me. It terrified me. I can still feel the eerieness and fear of the moment when I think about it.
Interestingly enough, I have not had any of the spooky moments during the night since I got here. Even with the move to a new place and the stress of the job, I have not yet woken up during the middle of the night and had trouble sleeping because I was vaguely creeped out. This has also been the year I have started to experience God’s full freedom. Coincidence? Probably not.