Top 250: #82

2001: A Space Odyssey

Plot Overview: "Mankind finds a mysterious, obviously artificial, artifact buried on the moon and, with the intelligent computer HAL, sets off on a quest." Straight from the IMDB website.

Surprisingly, I had trouble finding this movie to rent. I had to go to four separate video stores before I found a copy to rent. There was one to buy for twenty bucks at a Roger’s, but I have not seen this before, so I didn’t want to spend that much money on it and then not like it. I figured this is probably one of the best known of the top 250, so it should have been easier to find, but alas, I was wrong. And now we begin!

Camera man to director: "Sorry Kubrick, I left the lenscap on. Should we go back and reshoot it?" Director to Cameraman: "Nah, let’s just put up a drawn picture of a lion. That’ll be fine."

Is it sad that this music, arguably the most famous music from a movie (perhaps besides Star Wars) makes me think of an ad for the lottery?

Five minutes in and we finally start the movie!

OOOH! MONKEY!

Also, wild pigs. With MONKEYS!

Actually, just guys in MONKEY SUITS! And yet, still exciting.

Wow, they’re angry, greedy, loud and violent monkeys. I can see why people think we evolved from them.

Charleton Heston is going to show up soon, I can just feel it ("What, the statue of liberty? It was Earth all along!")

Early rap music! Complete with early rap dance!

Yay, more black screen!

Aww. The leopard and the zebra are friends. They’re laying down together, though why the leopard gets to lay on the zebra’s neck is beyond me. Looks uncomfortable. But they’re the best of friends, I can tell.

"Hey, where’d this choir come from? Keep it down, we’re trying to sleep!"

Yeah, I’d be angry too if someone left their giant black slab in my yard. That thing doesn’t look stable.

"I’m gonna touch it. No, I’m kidding. Wait, I’m gonna touch it. No, no, maybe not. This time I’m really gonna touch it guys, I swear!"

"Hmm, feels oddly smooth. The next obvious step is to taste it. Mmmm, black slab, just like momma used to make."

Aaaaaannnnnd they’re gone.

Aaaaaannnnnd they’re back.

Ever since the monkeys were dancing around, I’ve had "Do The Hustle" running through my head.

"Wait a second...if I pick up this bone...and swing it around...it can be a tool...that I can use...to...become the new chief of the monkeys. Take that old monkey chief!"

Wait, so they were vegetarian until they realised that they could kill the pigs with bones? The fact that they were twice their size and way stronger hadn’t been enough. They needed weapons.

Aww, their first civil war. And it’s all thanks to the giant black slab.

"Fine, take your stupid watering hole. We don’t want to drink there anyway, now that you’ve run through it. And killed one of us basically in it."

He’s the only passenger on a civilian passenger space-plane. How much was his ticket? Also, the stewardess is wearing a turban. Also also the pilots have been squished at the sides of the screen. Looks painful.

To get on the space station, you have to state your name, surname first, followed by Christian name and initial. What if you don’t have a middle name? There’s no provision mentioned for that.

You’re almost on the moon, talking to her on the fancy video phone. You don’t have to yell, she won’t hear you any better!

Amazing. In the future, all women wear skirts, except those who wear dresses. All above the knee, of course. And with heels. And, in one case, fishnet stockings. Yay, progress!

Ah, these women are wearing pants. And turbans. The aerospace industry has gotten more random in the future.

"Zero Gravity Toilet: Please read instructions before use." Yes, for the sake of us all, please do.

Wow, bad fashion has landed on the moon. It’s like looking at a train wreck with a tie.

They really were progressive. In a group of twelve people, there are TWO token women. They’re all white, of course, but c’mon – TWO WOMEN!

Wearing skirts and heels, of course.

Uh-oh, that choir’s back. Shoo, shoo!

Director: "Okay, you’re walking on the moon, where there’s no gravity. So make sure to walk the same speed as usual, but put your feet down heavier than normal. And lean back slightly."

What the...? How did the monkeys get that thing way up on the moon?

"Okay, I’ve touched it. Now...dang. My helmet’s in the way. I can’t taste it."

"Do the hustle. Dah da da da da-da da da dah..."

The computer is named HAL. As in HAL Johnson? Somewhere on another ship, there’s a JOANNE McLeod computer too. Those are two fit ships.

Ooh, punch cards for the computer. Nice.

Seriously guys, air has been leaking out of something for like five minutes. You really need to check that out.

Never mind, it stopped.

HAL just stares at them as they leave. Of course, he has no eyelids...

Apparently computers in the future can lip read.

There’s an intermission. Followed by more black and more creepy music. That cameraman needs to be fired.

You rescued him by smacking him in the head with a robot arm and then grabbing his neck in a pincer? Next, just let him float away in space. It will be kinder.

"You know, if I squeeze just a little bit, I could pop his head right off....Nah...."

Huh. The computer went crazy and took over the ship. That can’t be good. Now he’s killed three people. Yep, definitely not good.

Apparently to survive in a vacuum you have to squeeze your eyes shut really tight.

He’s halfway to Jupiter and he’s trying to shut down the computer that runs the ship. How’s he supposed to get home?

Wait, this computer went online in 1992? Oh great, that means there’s a crazy computer out there somewhere, just waiting for his chance to take over the world. Actually, that’s not too surprising.

How did the choir beat him to Jupiter?

Aaah! The Death Star is orbiting Jupiter, which, oddly enough, has seem to have lost its rings.

"He’s gone to plaid!"

He makes it to Jupiter, goes through some crazy space-time warp, and ends up in a Victorian style bedroom (albeit with futuristic floor tiles).

Watch out, it’s DARTH VADER! Without his HELMET! And WEARING a WIG!

That’s not Darth Vader. It’s Steve Martin in a bathrobe!

That’s the second biggest foetus I’ve ever seen! And it’s orbiting the Earth. Everyone run for it!

The events and people in this movie are purely fictitious and any similarities to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Except for the monkeys. That part totally happened.

Summary: I liked it. I thought it might be a, well, stupid movie, but it was actually quite interesting. Kubrick, the director, did a good job of telling the story visually - in two-and-a-half hours of film time, there is something like forty minutes of dialogue. The rest is told with pictures and music. A few parts were a bit overdrawn, but all in all, a solid film. And there are many philosophical areas that could be examined, trying to determine what it all meant, but I don't feel like it right now. The giant foetus was creepy looking, that much I will say.

Also, I updated Grasp the Nettle today.