...As I Salad

Time start - 12:06
Whenever I say something kinda dumb, I like to laugh and say in a self-deprecating manner "at least my mom thinks I'm cool" in an effort to diffuse the embarassment...it would work better if I could get my mom to stop saying "no I don't" whenever she hears it...that hurts mom...scientific fact: if you laid all of the elephants end to end in a straight line, you'd have alot of unhappy elephants...especially the ones who ended up in the arctic...or New Jersey...and why do you have enough time to be lining up elephants anyway? I think someone needs a new hobby...computers in general are evil, and mine is their leader...if computers are so evil, does this make Bill Gates some sort of insane despotic overlord?...anyone else think it interesting that as soon as the Cold War ended, Global Warming began?...I think we need to get Russia a few more nukes and a reason to hate us again...how about Brittany Spears?...you've got to wonder about the geniuses who came up with brilliant scheme of 'mutually assured destruction' during the cold war...their best idea was to have enough nuclear weapons to destroy the world multiple times over, and then point them at the country that developed Russian Roullette as a means of entertainment...they say that when you are down it helps to thank God for the little things...so thank you God for atoms...molecules...paramecium..s...paramesiei?...Gary Coleman...Roughrider winning seasons...the combined intelligence of the world's politicians...y'know, the little things...so what is it that makes men like car crashes and explosions so much...is it some sort primeval need to be involved in hunting for wild game...is it a deep seeded neurosis that makes us crave destruction...is it a way of compensating for the confusing mix of emotions that one finds churning within his gut...emotions like love, fear and a desire to belong....oh right, it's the testosterone...i have seen videos where people get hit by a car and survive, and their first instinct is to get up and assure everyone that they are okay (and to look for their shoes)...why don't they ever get mad?...they were just hit WITH A CAR!...I love every muscle in your body...remember, there is no 'I' in teim...I wonder if people ever asked Sammy Davis Jr what his dad's name was...paramecia!...that's the plural of paramecium...yes I did look it up...is nerdulance a word?...(no)...come back Star Trek, we miss you...people say that I am random...TOKYO POLICE CLUB!...I don't know why...when a daredevil says 'Kids, don't try this at home', does that mean it is okay for parents to try it?...that's not really fair...what if the kid tries it at school, is that okay?...hey, I managed to get through an entire post without mentioning Peter's new car - Princess Tinklepot...I bet he's glad that I didn't mention Tinkles...oh wait...well, I'm out.
Time end - 12:53