2007 year in review

The year started out slowly. Very slowly. I learned how to slow down time so that it passed by at a crawl while I continued at the normal pace. Of course, being the responsible person I am, I used this power for good. And wedgies.
The power faded after some time, however, and I was left in a precarious position, having to free climb the Cliffs of Dover in a desperate race to save the world from an evil plot that was doomed due to its complexity. I keep telling the villains to keep it simple, but they just insist on having layers upon layers of traps and schemes and plans that just confuses everyone and really wastes much of my time and theirs. This one had something to do with tachyon particles, geraniums and a chimp named Gerry. I didn’t spend the time figuring it all out, I just cut through everything and got straight to the part where I was captured and left in a devious death machine which of course ran out of power at the last second. He had too many machines plugged into a single outlet and blew a breaker. Kind of embarrassing for him, really. But he’s in jail now and will be for some time.
I decided to take it easy for a while and I spent some time working at a regular job, kind of. Fixing up that basement was anything but regular as we dug pits and buried lines and destroyed walls and dragged things behind cars and started fires. Come to think of it, I got pretty distracted and I don’t think we ever did finish.
Somewhere in there I was involved in a monkey fight. Don’t ask.
On a whim, I decided that I wanted to live in Europe, so I flew to Germany and infiltrated a school there. I worked under cover...actually, under covers. I slept a lot, especially at first. I was tired. And then I spent time getting to know these guys who attend this school, hanging out with them and corrupting their minds, teaching them things like respect and honour. I know, I have a nefarious streak, I don’t deny it.
Much of November was spent fighting sharks that had learned how to walk on land. They managed to sneak past France’s security, despite the warnings I had given them when I first became aware of the possibility. Turns out the French border guards, transportation companies, postal workers, government workers, factory workers, auto workers, teachers, and gynecologists were all on strike at the same time. Nun-chuks are illegal in Germany, so I had to fight them using a knife, a bag of marlbes, and forty-seven black beans. There was plenty of carnage to go around, but I emerged victorious. The sharks agreed to return to the ocean and never to come back on land again, but I have my informants keeping an eye out. Sharks aren’t known for keeping their word. "Sure, you can swim here. I won’t eat you." CHOMP. "What was that?" "Nothing."
The kids went home and I have been resting for a while now, getting my strength back for the busy year ahead. It already started with a bang as a small war broke out, but thankfully it was fought by factions with very lousy aim and besides a few scares there were no injuries to report. Ted, the town’s street cleaner, has a very busy day ahead of him. Go Ted!
And that was 2007. Good luck to all in 2008!