I am the rabbit

Last night we had a going away party for someone and at the house there was a little coffee table game. Basically it was cards that had questions on them and you were supposed to answer them. Kind of like the Ungame, for those of you who know what that is. Some of the questions were "what clothing would you where if you didn't care what people thought," or "what celebrity do you have a crush on", that sort of thing. Some were surprisingly deep, and some were, shall we say, off colour (not a reflection of those who owned the game, I assure you). I was thinking afterwards about a question that would have fit the game that I could have answered: What is the saddest thing you have seen. If that had been a question, this is the answer I would have given:
The saddest thing I have seen occurred when I was working in Edmonton. I was walking around one afternoon, and it was a bit of a cloudy day. There was a SuperStore that had a large empty lot behind it, probably one that was large enough to put another SuperStore and parking lot if they wanted (For those who don't know SuperStore, it is a Canadian grocery store, kind of in between Safeway and Costco). The lot had some scruffy grass growing, and where there wasn't grass was a mix of dirt and some gravel. Just a basic empty lot. As I walked by it I noticed that there was a single rabbit right in the middle of the field, and as I looked at it I was hit with a sad feeling. It just seemed so lonely and out of place, almost like it was lost in the wilderness, or in the city as the case may be. There was just something profoundly sad about seeing this rabbit in the middle of this empty field.
Sometimes I think back to that rabbit and I sympathise. There are days where I feel completely isolated and seperate from everyone and everything. I have really wrestled with that at times since being here. Just outside of Maugenhard (where my dorm is) there is a farmers field that has nothing in it except for one tree. Everytime I see that tree I am reminded of the rabbit.
The nice thing right now is that this feeling of disconnect is not necessarily a depressing one. I have been faced with many personal issues since arriving here and have had to confront some of my 'personal demons' if you will, and I have actually been working through them and getting better. I have to say that it has not been an easy first few months here. I have been going through the regular culture shock, as well as some homesickness (though that has been very minor, more of a gentle longing mixed with pleasant memories), plus those issues, plus getting used to the guys and working basically all day every day. It is no wonder that I am tired.
But with all of that, I have been starting to really feel a sense of God's calling on my life, and I feel like I can really wrestle with matters of calling and life in ways that I have never been able to before. It was always buried beneath irrelevancies.
But how does this relate to the rabbit? Well, as I am going through all of this, I have been at times feeling like I have to much going on in my head that I don't feel like I am fully connected to the world around me, like I am the lone rabbit in the field. But somehow I also feel like that means I am aware of the world around me, even if I don't quite fit. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but it is definitely how I feel. I also suspect that many people feel that way sometimes. Maybe that's self delusion so I don't feel quite so alone, who knows. Either way, I am outta here.