Ho. Ly. Crap!

I am speechless. I don't know what exactly to say to this. My mind refuses to accept that it actually watched what I just saw. Hopefully it comes up with some good false memory for the past two hours of my life because they are gone forever and I ain't ever getting them back. Confused? That's okay, because that is just a small picture of what exactly I have experienced.
I just finished watching (enduring) the Star Wars Holiday Special. This is a Christmas Special that was made in 1978, shortly after Star Wars became an international hit. I...don't know why. I'm pretty sure that this is evidence that George Lucas was an alcoholic, to give permission to make this debacle. And if he wasn't living in the bottle beforehand, I'm sure he spent some time there after seeing the finished product.
Unbelievably, someone thought that it would be a good idea to make a Christmas Special in the Star Wars universe. Of course, it is not Christmas, but Life Day, a wookiee holiday. Chewie and Han are being chased by Imperial Starships, as usual, as they try to get back to Chewie's home planet to celebrate said holiday. Meanwhile, Chewie's wife, son, and father are sitting around at home, doing not much more than giving excuses to have random guest stars pop up and do their thing (terribly). Chewie's dad, who is named Itchy (must have something to do with being covered with fur), gets a holographic fantasy fulfiller thing for Christm...I mean, Life Day, and proceeds to watch some woman sing a bad disco song, which had been preceeded by some vaguely erotic dialogue, with plenty of moaning. It was actually quite disturbing. I find it interesting that a wookiee is so turned on by a human woman. And if you think that was bad, you should have been me while I was watching it. I thought that the character was actually Chewie's mom, so I was trying to figure out why his mom was so aroused by a human woman. My jaw hit the floor and flopped around like a fish out of water.
Bea Arthur shows up as a pub owner on Tatooine. She sings and dances for people in an effort to get them to leave when the pub closes. Princess Leia shows up at the end and gives the standard Christmas/Life Day schmaltz about peace and loving each other and that kind of holiday special crap (have you noticed that I am not a fan of most Christmas Specials?)(I think this one tops the list). And then she sings. The song is worse than any of the dialogue had been. Picture the absolute corniest, most pathetic Christmas special you've ever seen. Now, realise that in comparison to this, whatever you are imagining is the most deserving Oscar winning performance you have ever seen.
I think my eyes tried to escape my skull about halfway through, but were killed due to lack of interest. I can't even compose coherency about this. There is a cartoon in the middle where Boba Fett helps rescue Han and Luke from some sort of virus thingy that only affects humans. It was animated by a couple drunk squirrels I think, but at least the dialogue was terrible.
All in all, I think I hated every minute of this special, and I think if you are a Star Wars fan, you should watch this at least once so that you can start to appreciate Episode One, and start to like Jar Jar Binks. I know I do now. If I think bad about Jar Jar, all I have to do is think about Lumpy (Chewie's less than appealing son), and suddenly Binks is an all right guy (Mesa can't believe mesa said that!).
Until next time, you stay classy, and thanks for dropping by???