My Movies

Here's something I thought would be fun to do. I'm going to review the movies that I watch. But don't worry, I'm not going to try to impose my opinion onto you. And I'm also not going to try and come up with a clever rating system (that movie deserves four open sphincters) because I find them to be extremely arbitrary and not very informative, and waay over done. Basically, I watch a movie, I tell you what I thought of it, and let you make up your own mind. Also, I will probably ruin the ending of some, if not all movies. You've been warned, there are spoilers all over the place.
First up, Unleashed, starring Morgan Freeman, Jet Li, and some chick I've never heard of. I liked this movie. It had some cool fight scenes, and the camera work was extremely well done during said fights. There have been too many movies that lately that have fight scenes that you can't actually see. For example, The Bourne Supremecy had some fights that could have been cool, but it looked like the camera was being held by a hyperactive five year old (oh look, a bug on the ceiling, now I want to see the floor, I want a cookie!). It almost made me sea sick. But in Unleashed, the fights are well done, especially the scene that takes place in a bathroom...stall. The fighters' chests are nearly touching while they are swinging at each other. It was pretty sweet. In between all of the fighting there are scenes of Jet Li meeting with Morgan Freeman and his (Freeman's) daughter and learning to feel again, after being treated like nothing better than an animal all his life. It bordered on the terribly corny at times, but never quite crossed that line. At least, I don't think that it did. All in all, I liked the movie. I'd say that you should go see it. As a warning, I will say that there is quite a bit of blood and gore in the movie. Nothing extremely brutal like Kill Bill, but there definitely was some blood spilled. If that makes you queasy, then give it a miss.
Next up is Mindhunters, starring (briefly) Val Kilmer and Christian Slater.
I say briefly because they are not fated to live. A group of FBI profiler wannabes are taken to an island to go through their final training. Mysteriously, they all begin to die, making sure to utter extremely terrible lines ("I guess we know his weakness...bullets!", which, thankfully, is the only one I could remember) along the way. Christian Slater did a fine job, but he dies fairly early on. Val Kilmer is the trainer that may or may not be the killer. He disappears early in the movie, only to be heard from again near the end. But it's really not much screen time. Ice Cube, or LL Cool J, or Pseudonominus Maximus, some rap dude who does acting now, whatever his name is, plays a guy not with the FBI who may or may not be more than he appears to be, but he definitely takes the opportunity to flex his rather impressive muscles when he can. There is the predictable sex scene, though the only gratuitous nudity is Christian Slater's butt. For the most part, the acting was average at best. I found the guy in the wheelchair to be extremely annoying. I always worry saying things like that because I feel like it will mean I'm prejudiced or racist or something. But I'm not worried saying it here because he really was truly annoying. So very very annoying. I wasn't unhappy at all when he died.
Really, I wouldn't reccomend this movie. It had its moments, but there weren't very many of them. I thought the blonde girl did an okay job, but most of the rest of them weren't anything special.
Finally, the season finale of Smallville. The three stones are finally united! A meteor shower hits Smallville! Clark graduates! Jason snaps and holds Ma and Pa Kent hostage with a rifle! But don't worry because their house gets hit with a meteor (meteorite? comet?)...a really big rock from space with them still inside! Clark still doesn't fly! Jeff groaned many times, very irritated because it never really answered any questions, just moved everyone around in a confusing set of moves that is hopefully leading somewhere! At the end, Jeff (my brother...jeez, keep up people!) said "What is that?" (to a meteor that looked like a black spaceship in the shape of the superman symbol), and then, as the episode ended, "Aaarrghh!" If you like Smallville, then you will probably enjoy this epsiode, and be completely irritated because it ends with a cliffhanger. Don't worry folks, September is just around the corner.
Until next time,
Excelsior (an irony only I will get)