Just so's ya know

I just moved in to my new place (which, ironically, is also my old place) and thus will not have much internet over the next little while, so updates will be intermittent, and I may miss a Grasp the Nettle update or two, but will do my best to get it all figured out soon.

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Terrific Tuesday

As most of you know, I have not been having a great month. Finding a job, dealing with a car, and just everything has really been tough for me this time, and draining my energy and enthusiasm. It reached it's low point on Sunday night and Monday morning, ironically the day that I started some work. I have a part time gig doing custodial work at my church. While it was nice to find work, and it is work I don't mind doing and can actually do, the fact that I only had part time hours really seemed to emphasise my needs and it actually made me feel worse. I barely slept Sunday night, and I when I woke up I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt because I felt so stressed about everything that I needed to do and everything that was still not right, and the doubts for what the future would bring. I was right on the edge.
And then during the day, I started thinking things through, and started to put everything in perspective. I switched my viewpoint, and instead of taking every good thing and expecting a bad thing to follow, I decided that for every bad thing that happened, something good came after to even it out. It is amazing what a slight shift in thinking will do. My chest stopped hurting and I felt much better about life in general, even though nothing had actually changed.
And then Tuesday rolled around. Let me tell you about my day.
I woke up with a plan - I would go check out this place about getting car insurance. There was an office downtown a few blocks from where I live, so I walked there and sat down, and within the hour I had insurance for my car. The lady said that if I wanted I could just go around the corner to get licence plates. She did not mean around the corner of the block, but around the corner of the desk. About ten feet away in the same office was the registries place. Getting plates was about five minutes more and I walked out of there legally able to drive my car.
So I went back home and got my brother to give me a ride to where my car was (I live downtown until this weekend, so there was nowhere to store my car while I tried to plate it). We drove for less than a block before I remembered I had forgotten my key. So I get out and run back to the apartment, run up the stairs, grab my key, run down the stairs and go to my brother's parking spot (in the building's parkade), but he is not there. I realise that he would most likely just park outside of the building, so I run back towards where I assume he will be.
Now, on Saturday I had decided to go with koodo mobile for my cell phone. I ordered it all online, and they told me the phone and activation instructions would be sent out in 2-5 business days. At the time my first thought was that it would take longer, and that I would be moved out and I did not know what I would do. But it was too late by then, so I just hoped for the best.
I mention that because as I was heading through the lobby to the side doors where Jeff was parked, I noticed a guy with a box standing in the front, hitting buttons on the buzzer. So I go over and let him in, and he asks what apartment I am in. I tell him and he tells me that he has a package for me. It was my cell phone. Had I not forgotten my key, or had I remembered it five minutes later, I would have missed him completely. It was such good timing.
From there I go with Jeff to where my car is parked. On Monday I had towed it to my mechanic to get it looked at because it would not start and I could not get the hood open. The mechanic (Garland) thought that it was probably a drained battery because it had been sitting for a while. He also showed me how to open my hood (the hood cable is messed up - it still works, but you have to know which part to pull...apparently, not the part on which I had been tugging). So I got Jeff to boost my car and then I was going to drive it around for a little while to charge the battery, and if that didn't work then I would get it back to the mechanic and he would check the battery and alternator and see what was going on. So my car is running and Jeff closes the hood. Or tries to. It won't close. So I try, and I have the same problem. We both try for a while and can't figure it out. So I run into the mechanic and he comes out and shows me what I need to do to close the hood. The cable is kind of goofed, so it won't release properly, so I have to push down on a latch when it is open and then it will close. So pliers to open and screwdriver to close. I can do that.
I drive the car home and sit for a while before I have to leave for an appointment. Earlier that morning, before I had gone to licence my car or anything, I received a call from a paint store where I had dropped my resume last week sometime. They wanted me to come in for an interview around 3 that afternoon. It was now almost that time, and I went out to my car and it...started! It has started every time since, so I guess I had just drained the battery. It had not run much in the past three weeks because I could not drive it without plates...
Anyway, I went to the interview, and within ten minutes he is offering me as much work as I will take. I told him I would discuss what the church needs from me and we would work something out. So basically I now have two jobs (I still have to go back and talk with the paint store and make final arrangements). And if it does not work to keep both part time, then I will end up at the paint store full time. I would like both, though. It would be a little more variety, keep me from getting bored.
After that I stop at Canadian Tire and find a screwdriver set (so I can close my hood) for $18, normal price $60. I figure that is a good deal, so I go for it.
Once I'm home I call the number and go to set up my phone. The person I talk to is very polite, and he tells me that for some reason they have not given me a phone number. Or set up my plan. Or anything. But he is very friendly and optimistic and helpful, so I was not concerned, and with his help we get that all figured out very easily. The lesson in that is that attitude is important - if he had been surly and snooty it would have dimmed my mood and ruined my day. But because he was nice and professional and friendly and helpful, I merely shook my head at the craziness of it all. And then I had it all set up.
So that was my day. I don't know why God decided to let things seem to get so complicated, but in the end He has really taken care of me. It is amazing how one good day can make every other day seem not as bad.

You're not like a bird anymore

I have lost all respect for Nelly Furtado. I'm not saying that I was ever a huge fan of hers, but the most recent stuff she has come out with has left me shaking my head. She used to sing about respecting oneself and being proud of who you are. Her videos showed her fully clothed and were positive. Suddenly she came out with her hip hop/rap junk and began dancing and gyrating like every other x-rated hip hop star out there. She lost all uniqueness, and she turned her back on all of the positive messages she had previously put out there.
It is sad and frustrating. Why does everyone and everything that is "popular" and "cool" have to be so sexually oriented, and why can't people respect those who try to be not sex-crazy?
It is almost depressing.

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Feeling? Good

In honour of the fact that I check Jeff's blog every day and he never updates, I am going to write about some of my favourite bands, and reveal what my (current) favourite song is.

Fave Bands (in no particular order, except for the final two...my second favourite is second last, and my favourite is listed last)(just cuz I want to keep you suspense)(mwa har):
Jars of Clay - I like that the music styles from Jars of Clay have changed on nearly every album. What has always struck me about them is that they are always looking at God through many different points of view. Sometimes they are praising, and sometimes they are questioning. My favourite album of theirs is Much Afraid, their second release. On that albums there are songs that seem to be searching, as though they are not sure what God is doing or where He is. And then it finishes off with the song Hymn, which is one of the better worship songs I've heard in a long time, and I wish churches would (could?) play it during church services.

U2 - They have spent a career in the secular world, looking at God through those eyes. I think that Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For is an amazingly honest song, one that is far more accurate for most Christians than most worship songs. It talks of belief and faith and yet acknowledges the fact that sometimes, despite all of that, God still remains hidden. He promises to reveal Himself to us, but He does not promise a time line. Numb is probably my favourite song of theirs, and it also speaks to how I feel about God and faith...sometimes, there is just so much thrown at us that I end up feeling numb. Their strength has always been their lyrics, in my opinion. Their music has been solid, though many acknowledge that they should have perhaps grown as musicians more than they have, but when you listen to what the songs are about you can see their hearts displayed on their sleeves.

DC Talk - Though they are not together anymore, I agree with my friend Peter Ralph who says that DC Talk is the pinnacle of Christian music. Honestly, I don't really listen to much Christian music, (despite the bands listed here so far) but DC Talk got it right. They were honest without being overly preachy and pushy, and they put together fun music. I went to a concert of theirs and it was awesome. It was ten years ago and I still remember it (including what shirts Kevin Max (a black button up shirt with white circles on it - like giant zeros) and Michael Tait (a red long sleeve shirt, kinda tight) wore). Jesus Freak is a song that cannot be listened to quietly, and if I tried I could still do the rap from Luv is a Verb. I miss them.

Talking Heads - I first came across this band in high school, either grade nine or ten English, when we studied one of their songs in poetry analysis (the song was (Nothing But) Flowers), and I remember thoroughly enjoying the music when it was played for us, and finding the lyrics interesting (the song talks about how everything has returned to nature and how much he misses the 7-11s, and other conveniences). I came across them again five or six years later and realised that I liked every song of theirs that I heard. They were a band from the late 70s to the early 90s. They came out of the early punk scene, though they are not punk. I enjoy their different look at life, and how they manage the lyrics and music together as a whole. There are songs where the words are in many ways gibberish (as admitted by their lead singer David Byrne), but they were crafted as a part of the music to achieve an emotion, which is something that music can do in a way that is possible in no other medium. But then other songs are taking life and looking at it from a 45 degree angle. David Byrne's vocals are so unusual (not unique (though they are), but unusual. It is a much more apt word) and they make the words as much music as the guitar he sometimes plays. And if you ever see them in concert, his awkwardness is evident, and it also seems to become part of the music. Honestly, they are nearly my favourite band, only barely beat out by...

Our Lady Peace - What has always caught my attention about this band is their lyrics. Their songs are always seeking, always questioning, always looking for answers. I do not agree with the conclusions which they reach, not always, but at the same time, I find it much more honest than most Christian music. They look at the world and say "This sucks. Why? And what can we do?" It would have been easy for them to be a typical teenage-oriented whiner band, but they have continued to grow and seek while remaining accessible to teenagers and adults alike. I think my favourite lyric of theirs comes from the song Thief a song written about a boy in the hospital with cancer: "I don't want to hear who walked on water..." In a time of deep sorrow and pain, he does not want to hear about God. There is a part of me that feels like I should be offended or even dismissive (well he obviously has no idea). But the truth is, that lyric is brilliant because it shows how supposedly comforting words can become like bitter ash in his ears. He is going through pain as his son dies (it was not about his actual son, but that is how I always look at the song) and someone says to him "don't worry, God obviously loves you and just wants to enjoy your son". How empty and useless is that at such a time. The honest questions of OLP always inspires me. When I write, I hope that I am able to seek the truth like they do. They are solid musically and Raine Maida has an unusual and unique voice (though he has gotten away from it somewhat in later years, which does not make them any worse) and a unique perspective on life.

Honourable Mention: B-52s, Weird Al Yankovic, Wide Mouth Mason, Barenaked Ladies - all good bands that I enjoy.

Top Song:
This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by The The Talking Heads - This song always stirs an emotion in me. It is a musically simple song (the Naive Melody part of the title refers to the fact that the music is basically the same pattern for the entire thing - i.e. the guitar part is the same rhythm and two or three chords for the entire five minutes, even the chorus), but very poignant. It is a love song, but not a cheesy, sappy, lewd, sad, or boring love song. This is how I want love to be. It is not all about passion or sex or feelings. It is comfort and satisfaction, friendship and kindness, tender and longing, and their is a hint of bittersweetness about it, knowing that it is not permanent (even if love lasts until death, it is still interrupted by death...I may have great hope and promises for life beyond death, but my finite human mind cannot comprehend anything beyond what I experience here on earth, so any thought of that ending and changing is at best bittersweet). The opening line is "Home. Is where I want to be..." That is love - Home.


On an unrelated note, has it occurred to anyone that text messaging is basically a way of sending sophisticated telegrams? Progress is moving backwards...

Top 250: #24

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.

Note: This is the first of the IMDB.com’s top 250 list that I am reviewing. I will number them according to the rank that they have on the day I watch. Given the nature of the list, that rank may fluctuate somewhat.

Plot Overview: A commanding army officer goes a bit nuts and orders his bombers to drop "the bomb" on Russia which will trigger global annihilation. Can the mistake be uncovered in time and the bomb stopped, or is the world doomed?

I found this movie in a rack at Safeway for four dollars. As I had been wanting to see this movie for a long time, I impulsively bought it. And now I am watching it. The first thing that caught my attention was the advertisement before the movie for the great new wonder of movie technology, a thing called D-V-D. I was excited at the thought of this new technology and I hope it arrives soon.

Fun quote: "I’ve been to one world fair, a picnic and a rodeo and that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of headphones.

The bomber pilot was keeping a cowboy hat locked up in a safe aboard the plane. He gets the code that orders him to proceed to drop the bomb and spends a minute opening th safe to he can wear the hat as he does.

The special effects are not too bad for 1964.

Aaaaannnddd now the crazy army general is drinking on duty, and he has a gun. That is probably not good.

Call me crazy, but I think this guy hates communism. If he thinks that’s bad, wait until rap music starts. Then he’ll really be upset.

He thinks the communists want to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. I’ve heard less plausible conspiracy theories.

"It’s beginning to look like the General has exceeded his authority." You think?

I do not want to be General Turgidson. He had to tell the president every bit of bad news possible. He now has about six pieces of gum in his mouth and looks like a scolded school child. And then his girlfriend calls him in the Pentagon’s war room. Who gives that number?

This is just bizarre. They are discussing starting nuclear war, and yet it is a funny movie. I fully understand the concept of a dark comedy. "No more than 10 to 20 million civilians killed tops. Depending on the breaks." Said with a smile, like that is a good thing.

Why does the bomber survival package for the all male plane crew include lipstick?

"Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here, this is the war room!"

This is the most awkward phone conversation I have ever heard. Never call the Russian president with news about nuclear annihilation when he has been drinking. It leads to arguing like six year olds.

The crazy General’s name is Jack D. Ripper. Clever.

Apparently flouride in the drinking water is a communist plot.

This is an interesting look at the cold war, made right in the middle of that particular conflict. It shows insight into the absurdity of the ever escalating arms race and an sympathy for the Russians.

In the midst of the chaos, a character shows up named Colonel ‘Bat’ Guano. He figures that this whole situation has something to do with "preversions".

They are trying to fire the explosive bolts to open the bomb bay doors...the doors that are right below the bomb...the big nuclear bomb. Personally, I don’t thionk I would want to set off explosives that near a nuclear weapon. But that’s just me.

There’s the iconic image of man riding a nuclear bomb, waving his cowboy hat in the air, all the way to its target.

He’ll be fine.

A very young James Earl Jones is in this movie!

They are descending into absurdity. I have never heard the phrase "breed prodigiously" used quite so often.

And that is the end of mankind.

Summary: Wow, what can I say about this movie. It is both absurd and profoundly disturbing all at once. Stanley Kubrick, both director and writer, takes a serious and frightening situation and turns it into an absurd farce. Yet, despite that, or perhaps because of it, the seriousness of the situation is in fact heightened. It shows how easy it would be for a crisis to get out of hand and to stay out of hand despite everyone’s best efforts.
Peter Sellers is amazing in three roles that are profoundly different from each other. His president is gravely serious, his RAF officer is very personal and believable, and his crippled ex-Nazi genius scientist is disturbingly amusing. George C. Scott does an amazing job as an over-the-top General.
I have looked forward to seeing this movie for a long time now, and I was not disappointed. I recommend watching this film.

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"We're men (MANLY men)..." part two

Last time, I talked about the expectations of men in society today, and how I feel I don't measure up. Today, I wonder how right or wrong those expectations are, and perhaps what they mean in my life.
I recently read a book titled "Why Men Hate Going to Church". The author proposes and defends his theory that the church has become too femanized and wimpy for most men, so they are leaving the church in droves, and that it is having a negative effect on the church. It is an interesting idea, and it articulated thoughts and feelings I had been experiencing in my life for a long time but had never been able to put into words. Basically his assertion was that men were not able to be men at church, that everything was geared towards the general attitudes, aptitudes, and abilities of women as opposed to men (despite the fact that the majority of clergy or pastoral staff are men). The church is a female institution, he claims.
I bring up this book because it actually defends a more traditional view of men, and because thinking about what that book had to say along with what I have experienced and felt in my own life has brought me to the conclusion that the traditional expectation of men is not without merit. Men were created to be a certain way, and that is not wrong.
I keep coming back the picture of Jesus as presented in the Gospels and wondering how he has been turned into this nice, friendly man. That may be largely a fault of the middle century Christians, or around the reformation era. I do not know specific dates, but I know that many artists displayed Jesus and his apostles as very feminized men. The whole debate around who is beside Jesus in the Leonardo da Vinci painting The Last Supper is a classic example. Some say it is the apostle John, and others say it is Mary Magdeline because it looks like a woman is beside him. There are many other paintings and depictions of Jesus as a very effeminate man, always crying and looking smooth skinned and, well, girly. But when I actually read the Gospels, this was a man who was not kind and gentle. He was a rebel, constantly going against cultural norms. He did not get killed because he was nice. He was killed because he grabbed the religious leaders by the metaphorical ears, gave them a stern shake and told them to get their heads out of their asses and actually help people for once in their lives. Saint Peter was a brash, loud-mouthed fisherman who cut off someone's ear. You don't cut off someone's ear on purpose - you swing for his head and miss. John was called the son of Thunder. I'm pretty sure you don't get that nickname for being meek and quiet.
But today, Jesus is usually portrayed as a kind, gentle man, someone you could go to and hug, who would cry with you over your problems, patting your hand and telling you that everything would be okay, and as a man, that is how I am supposed to be in the church.
I am coming to the meat of my dilemna, and the dilemna of Christian men. I feel that I now sound like I am supporting those attitudes and expectations I was critical of last time, and in some ways I am. I think part of the reason I have been struggling with this issue is because I grew up in the church and I was presented with a very unmanly example of a perfect man. I have lived my life in conflict between what a man is according to the world, and what it is according to the church. There was no balance.
The world says that men should be crude, violent (in a physical/sporty way, not a wife-beating way), loud, aggressive, womanising, big, buff, and burly. The church says that men should be gentle, kind, sacrificial, humble, meek, caring, quiet, and submissive. Those two lists are full of good things, but they tend to be mutually exclusive. To make things worse, men are under attack in many ways even by society in general.
This is a confusing issue at times because even in a secular setting there is a dichotomy. Men are portrayed as all of those things I mentioned before, but at the same time it is becoming harder to be those things because they are being viewed as barbaric and old-fashioned. Things are becoming tough because supporting traditional views of men instantly brands someone as a mysogynist fool who clearly does not understand that men are inherantly evil and disgusting. It is a case of woman's equality becoming woman's sameness. It is politically incorrect to say that men and women are different, even though they clearly are. People can be equal without being the same. Think of a math equation: 3x=12. In this equation, 'x' equals 4, yet when you count, you would not count '1,2,3,x,5...' because 'x' and 4 are not the same. 2x=30 is still true because now 'x' equals 15. So being equal does not being the same.
But even while the roles of men are being reduced, it seems that the stereotypical expectations of men are continuing to be propagated, especially in movies and music. Much of the rap scene is about having big guns, more money, and plenty of women. Movies feature mostly muscle bound men who are tough and take no nonsense, except in comedy roles where men are allowed to be doofuses. That is obviously a generalisation - there are plenty of movies and songs where men are portrayed differently, but I think those are the minority. I feel that the big, buff, manly hero is making a big comeback, largely because it is good business.
Added to that is the expectation for men in the church, which I have already covered.
So what does it all mean. What is a man supposed to be in the modern world? That is not an easy question to answer, partly because it is easy to take any pro-male comments and rebrand them as anti-female, which is not my intention at all. But, as I said, men and women are different, and that is not a bad thing.
All right, so what is a man? The challenge, I think, is to define men in a way that balances between emasculating him and turning him into a neanderthal who exists only to fight, scratch and smell bad. I think the key is where to focus. The physicality of a man should not matter. Short, tall, thin, fat, hairy, hairless, whatever - that all needs to be taken out of the equation because that is beyond anyone's control (to an extent - there is always working out, eating healthy, but that is not what makes a man a man). What should matter is the qualities a man exhibits. A man should be a leader - though there are many ways to lead, and not all are from the front. A man should be a defender of the weak - Jesus, without being weak or soft himself, constantly exhorted those around him to protect the poor, the widows, the children. And he put his money where his mouth was, so it is a clear example worth following. A man should be straightforward, honest, and fair. A man should protect women and their honour. Ladies, I know you can take care of yourselves and be self-sufficient and all of that. Fine. But I truly believe that it is a man's role to protect women, if not physically then spiritually and emotionally. Men should be as outraged if not moreso about porn and domestic abuse and all the crap that women go through, even though much of it is our fault. We, as men, should be trying to protect and uphold women and we are doing a piss-poor job of it and not getting any better, I'm afraid. A man should be emotionless. There is nothing wrong with showing emotion - even Jesus cried. But only once. I believe that is in the Bible not just as something to show that tears are okay, but also to show that, despite the trials and tribulations he went through, Jesus only cries once. Men express themselves differently than women - they are more prone to flashes of anger and dissatisfaction than to tears and being touch feely. That is not wrong. Men can cry, but to expect a man to be constantly in tears of sorrow or tears of joy is not necessary either. A good firm handshake and pat on the shoulder can be as good as a hug - but I feel that society is trying to force us to become huggers (an odd thing for me to say because I have nothing against a good hug...I'm just saying that in general, that is not necessary for men).
I guess I will wrap this up now. I hope no one reads this and gets offended, that is not my intent. But I stand by what I say. I still believe that it is easier in many ways to be a man than a woman, especially in body and self image. But that does not mean that it is a walk in the park either.

Interruption

More Nettle

"We're men (MANLY men)..." part one

Being a man is more difficult that it looks. Don't get me wrong, I think that men generally have the easier go of things in general (heck, the fact that we don't have to give birth is a clear win on our part) and just existing as a woman is difficult. Things like discrimination, sexism, domestic violence, etc, really make it hard to be a woman, much moreso than being a man. To argue that you would have to be a fool or insane...
Nevertheless, I am not going to argue that point.
However, despite the troubles the 'fairer sex' faces, I would like to present the case that it is difficult being a man as well. My reasons for doing so are because I recently got a job doing landscaping - some hard, physical, manly labour - and after three-and-a-half days, I was let go because I am "not cut out for a labour position" (my ex-bosses words). I tried to take it well, but the more I thought about it, the worse I felt because it was not like when I was fired from Petro-Canada (which was no big loss). This was someone saying to me "you are not enough of a man to do a man's job!" I have been reflecting somewhat on this thought in the past few days, and even before that, for much of my life, wondering what it means to be a man, and what my expectations are, both from myself, and from society around me. I will use myself as the example/contrast of what men are supposed to be.
Currently, there is a TV commercial for a cologne (I think it is Calvin Klein). The commercial begins with Matthew McConaughey walking down the street, having his picture taken by fans an paparazzi alike. He walks into what I presume is supposed to be his house (or apartment). I presume this because he walks in, takes of his shirt and flops on the couch, turning on the TV to watch...something (probalby sports, or something with explosions and half-naked women...which can apply to certain sports, now that I think of it). The commercial ends with him smiling as flashbulbs continue to go off around him, like the photographers followed him into his house and he does not mind. Actually, it is kind of a lame commercial, but it is interesting in that it is advertising a product that is designed completely for men, and what they choose to show us is a man who is obviously blessed with an abundance of time to work out. Matthew McConaughey is a very fit man. His six pack is so defined that you can read what brand it is (oddly enough, he is a Coors man...). When he takes off that shirt, it is clearly the ad's way of saying 'here is a man. You must try to look and act like him or you are less of a man. Buy our perfume...I mean cologne and you can be a real man too!'
So I look at myself and what do I see? I see a no-pack that is quickly turning into a keg (I'm not fat, but I have developed a bit of a stomach, which I never had before...I guess time is catching up to me). I see a nose that is not small, teeth that are not perfect, a five o'clock shadow that comes in every March at best (my gotee region is pretty good, but I cannot grow a beard), arms that are not very strong, and I am a rather pasty white colour. Did you know that I find it hard to buy underwear sometimes because the men they have modelling on the packages are in way better shape than I will ever be? I feel a bit intimidated...and uncomfortable being in an aisle with pictures of that many half-naked men. So physically, I don't measure up.
But I can look out of shape and still be athletically inclined, right? Because men should love playing sports. We should want to run around, hitting things, kicking things, punching things, and occasionally playing games between the bar fights. But truth be told, the only sports I like playing are frisbee and curling. Frisbee is non-contact, but I don't have the endurance for it (it is a very intense cardio work out, but enjoyable), and curling can be played professionally while drinking, so it is not exactly up for Mr. Tough Guy Sport of the Year honours. I enjoy watching sports, so I guess that is something. But I know guys who don't really enjoy sports - does that make them less of a man? If you believe conventional wisdom and stereotypes, then yes!
All right then, how about my love life? As a man, I should be trying to get into the pants of every woman that goes by. But I don't. This is a bit of a tricky one because as a Christian, obviously my priorities should be different (I am sad that I had to say 'should be' instead of 'obviously are'). So let me reword the statement - I should be charming and manly and women should be falling in love with me, thus giving me the chance to practice my virtuous nature of never taking advantage of a lady. Well, I still don't fit the bill. Women don't respond to me that way. Generally, women seem to like me. They think I am a nice guy, kind of like a brother. They all want to know why I am not dating...someone else. Maybe I should shave my head and grow a manly gotee...nope, didn't work (that wasn't my reason for doing either)(no, really). I don't have that manly animal magnetism that makes the ladies swoon. Truth be told, I took the Birkman Test recently, a personality test that is career oriented, showing what jobs would work best with my personality to leave me feeling fulfilled and happy. Somewhere in there it very specifically pointed out that I am somewhat lacking in the charm area (which would hurt a job in a sales field).
What else is expected of a man? I should know a great deal about cars, right? The only reason I know anything about cars is because I am friends with Peter Ralph, a man for whom cars come pretty naturally. He understands them, sometimes just intuitively knows how everything works together, and really enjoys working on them. Me, not so much. I don't mind working on them somewhat, usually with him, but it is difficult sometimes because I don't understand what they are doing and how they work. I am not very mechanically inclined most of the time in most things. It is frustrating because I feel like other people are constantly figuring out how things work and where things should go and why when it goes completely over my head. Things make sense when explained to me, usually (and if explained in the right way, but that is an individual learning method as opposed to a manly expectation), but I cannot figure them out on my own.
Luckily for me, I am a great leader, just like a man should be...oh wait. I am not a great leader, at least not in the stereotypical manly way. I am nothing like Napoleon, or Patton, or Lincoln, or...pick your man. Heck, even Jesus was a brash, loud, manly leader (read the Gospels - he did not pull any punches). Me, I'm more of a quiet guy, hang out in the back, observe, let others take the vocal lead. I am not extremely aggressive, which is another manly trait. I should be charging into battle, yelling my war cry, rallying the troops. But I would rather sit back, relax a bit, not get so uptight about things.
Ooh, how about this - I am good with kids. I like hanging out with kids, playing with them. Women are always saying 'he is good with kids' in a very positive way. Of course, they have to say it because it is not necessarily common, like it is a surprise. Especially for someone who has never had kids. Oh wait, that's right, because it is not a very manly trait. Men can like kids okay, and roughhouse with them, but that is about it. They have to be tough and manly and not coddle kids, and they definitely can't show affection to them. That is not very manly.
I'm sure there are more ways in which I am expected to be a man, but this is a depressing list as it is, so I am going to move on.
As you can see from what I have written, there is a great deal of pressure in being a man. Everything, from movies to TV shows to music seem to depict men as being big strong womanising men! Sure there are plenty of depictions of overweight men and it is more acceptable than overweight women (I actually admire Roseanne, both the TV show and the comedienne herself for being able to be popular and not be a stick), but even then, the portly men are often bumbling idiots. Yet they are manly men because it is okay for men to be bumbling idiots. While I am not exactly graceful, I am not bumbling by any means. Clumsy maybe...
What does it mean to be a man? What does God want from me as a man? I'll see about answering that in my next post.

Hack the System

I just watched the movie Hackers, and a thought struck me: making movies that involve a great deal of computer work (in the movie, not to make the movie) is a challenge. Visually, working on a computer is not interesting. It is a person sitting in front of a screen, and generally the only part of that person which is moving is the hand. If Hackers had been done in a more 'realistic' style, then half of the movie would have been people standing around watching other people sitting, moving their fingers. The challenge the director faces is to make that visually interesting. Personally, I think it is a more formidable challenge than making action movies, or even dramas, visually appealing.
The director of Hackers chose to go with an element of surrealism at times, mixed with a stylised vision of the inside of a computer. I think it worked fairly well, as long as you realise that it is a visual representation and not an accurate depiction. The one thing you can say about it is that it remained consistent. I enjoyed how it was done, but I could understand if some people do not like it as much. It definitely has a techno electronica sort of feel, which is not for everyone.
Anyhoo, that was my thought.

Again

Another new Grasp the Nettle.

Again

I updated Grasp the Nettle again, in case you were wondering.

I've had better...days, that is

As you probably know, I have been searching for work since I returned home, but it has been an uphill battle. Well last Tuesday things changed. I called a painting contractor and he said he had work for me. Great I thought to myself. Now I can work again. So the next morning I go to the address he indicated (1221 Kensington Road) and wait for more than a half hour before returning home because he never showed. I called him and he said that he was on site at a house (I had been waiting at a business) waiting for me to arrive. I asked for the address, and he said 1221 Kingston Road, but it was hard to understand him how he said it. It sounded like there were three syllables every time he said it. I asked him to spell it because I wanted to make sure I got it absolutely right. He said 'K-I...I don't really know. It's just off twelfth." So was the street I had just been waiting at. So I looked it up and found a Kingston Street, just off of twelfth.
So I go to hop a bus that, according to the schedule was supposed to arrive at the stop in ten minutes. I waited at least a half our. The bus finally comes and I take it to the transfer point. I get off the bus as it is going south, and I need to go north, but that is where the transfer point is, so that is okay. I look around, but I cannot see another bus stop anywhere, and it is not like I can just walk across the street to look because it is on Crowchild Street (for those who don't know Calgary, Crowchild is a major throughfare that has no lights for most sections, including where I was). So I wait, and my new bus comes by, also going south, so I figure that it will go to the next turn off and turn around to go back north. It doesn't. I figure that it has to be nearing the end of the route, so I wait a bit longer, hoping it will soon turn around. It doesn't. I finally talk to the bus driver and he lets me know that this bus goes for a long way before going back north, so I get off and wait at a nearby busstop for a northbound bus, which comes in five minutes or so. I finally get off the bus at my stop, and I have to walk ten or fifteen blocks to the street I need. Uphill. (Okay, now I'm just looking for sympathy)
I finally reach Kinstgon Street (not Road, like he had told me), and I find 1207. And then 1203. Okay, going the wrong way. I turn around and find 1302. That's right, no 1221. I walked around for an hour, looking for anyone waiting for me. I had this conversation a few times: "Hi, my name is Darrell. Are you waiting for me?" "..." Shakes head and looks at me strangely. Half of the contractors in Calgary think I am crazy, I am sure. They're not wrong, but they have the wrong reason.
So I gave up because there was nothing I could do anyway. I started walking to get back home, going the opposite direction I had walked before because it was closer to 16th Ave, which I thought would have a bus stop, and was way closer than where I had been dropped off. I figured I would just need a bus to go downtown. Turns out there were no bus stops right along there, so I started walking towards home-ish. I walk for a bit, stopping for a lunch (having dessert as consolation for the rough day), and then continuing on to the C-train station (having to backtrack because I started walking to one that was twice as far away as the one I ended up at).
I live near one end of downtown and one of my roommates works at a restaurant at the other side of downtown. I mention this because I had to go get his keys. Mine were safely locked away inside of our apartment. I got there in the middle of the lunch rush, so I had to wait for almost an hour, waiting for him to have a minute when he could run to the back of the kitchen and get his keys. He finally does get them to me and I go back home, grab my keys, walk back across the downtown core because Adam needs his keys after work, and then walk back home. By the time I am home and everything is all said and done, I have been on the go for about five hours, walking in the hot sun (please pity me) and trying to find someone who does not seem to exist.
The end result was that I decided to give this guy a pass. I figure if he cannot give me the proper address (and I looked, there are no other adresses that are even close) when he is right on site then I am not sure if I want to be working for him. It gave me a seriously bad vibe. I have worked with a boss like that, who was not able to keep organised and the less I say about that the better. It's not a good scene.
So that was my day. So now I have to find another job.
And I did. Starting Monday I am a landscape labourer. I have to call and get the address on Monday morning, so hopefully this goes better than the last one, but this is a reputable company with a name and everything. I'm excited.

* * * * *

On an unrelated note, I was watching a cartoon today where the character was sent back in time to Pearl Harbour seconds before it was bombed in WWII. He realises that he has a chance to stop the bombing and, in his words, stop World War II from ever starting! That makes me wonder what they would call 1939-1941. A slight tiff? Made me shake my head in disbelief.

More Story

What is a nettle anyway?

No event so tragic that jackasses can't make it worse

By now, I'm sure you are well aware of the murder that happened last week on the Greyhound bus. In the past two days I have come across two stories in relation to that vent which, well, depress me. The first is about the group PETA (read the story here or here). The gist of the story is that PETA wants to run an ad in the Portage paper that essentially compared the bus murder to the killing of animals. This story mostly irritates me. I understand that they disagree with eating animals, and I even support the theory that animals should be treated humanely. This group, though, goes entirely too far all the time. They really appear to value animal life above human life, and I do not agree with that. This story shows a complete lack of class and compassion for the victim or his family, and a general disregard for the situation in general. It is almost as though they were glad this happened.
The second is about a 'church' that is going to protest the victims funeral. You can read the story here or here. This is a story that both frustrates and depresses me. It is about a Baptist church down in Kansas that is claiming that the victim was "a rebel against God...taught to be a rebel by his parents" and that his parents "brought this wrath upon his head". They are claiming that the death, along with many other deaths and bad events (soldiers dying in Iraq, for example) are signs of God's wrath on the U.S. and Canada for turning their back on God.
This depresses me for two reasons. First, it turns God from a compassionate being that bleeds for people, that loves them unconditionally, into a wrathful, angry, Zeussian god. I find it interesting that in the New Testament, Jesus almost only gets angry at those who are supposedly already on his side (the Pharisees, the Sadducees, Peter), but when he is dealing with those who have 'turned their back on God and his teaching', he almost always showed compassion and love. He talked with the woman at the well. He called Zacchaeus out of the tree. He made Matthew an apostle when he was a tax collector, which was about the furthest a Jew could get from his heritage at the time. Even in the Old Testament he was always giving grace when He could. He saved Ninevah. He gave Sodom and Gomorrah a chance. Yes, God can be wrathful, but when He is, there is no doubt, and He does not use random murder as an agent of his wrath, I am fairly certain.
The second reason this depresses me is because there are too many people who will see this story and just assume that this is a fairly standard sentiment for 'the Church'. These people who are using God as their excuse for hate are painting the rest of us with a broad brush. I do not believe this was God's judgement on this young man, and I have prayed that his family would find peace in this mess somehow. But now there will be people who would hear that I go to church and in their mind they will associate that with this group and just assume that I am a bigotted, racist hatemonger. Yes, some who would call themselves Christian do fall into the category, but that is thankfully a tiny minority. They are just the ones who get the press.
This incident is a tragic event, and it does not need these people to make it worse, yet that is what is happening. I pray that somehow God would make his presence felt in this event.

Clap, clap...clap.........

I just watched the movie Elf and a thought occurred to me. There is a scene at the end where one person starts singing with the goal of everyone else joining in. It is a typical sort of scene, oft repeated in many different movies and TV shows, usually at Christmas, but not always. Sometimes it is one person starting to clap, and everyone else starts clapping. The thought that occurred to me is this: the most courageous person is the first person who joins in.
You see, when someone is doing something like that, something new and weird and different, that is brave and courageous, and almost always done by someone who is naturally disposed to do that - a risk taker, a derring-do junkie. It is in their nature to take a chance, to push the boundaries. Yes it takes courage, but that is not unusual for them.
But what about the second person, the one who follows. What about the person who decides to join the rebellion, so to speak. In a group social setting, it is hard to break the norms and take that step. Most people won't do it, that is just human nature. When one person began singing, or clapping, it is easy for the group to just ignore it, or to raise an eyebrow and declare that person weird or a malcontent leaving them to flounder on their own. An episode of Family Guy shows this when they have a scene where, in a feel-good movie, one person would start clapping, being joined by the rest of the group momnets later. But in this episode, the first person begins clapping and no one joins him until he eventually stops, looking dejected. That is the easy route for people to take: don't take a chance or show any emotion because that is so lame. So they don't. But in other cases, when the second person joins in, they are in essence telling the group that they are wrong. They have to take the step that turns the weird, outrageous action into something acceptable. It is the second person who takes that action and makes it something that everyone can do without judgement or fear of recrimination.
Sometimes, following is the hardest part!

More Grasping, less Nettling

New installment. Check it out.

Sis Boom Bah

I find watching people at group social events interesting. Sometimes I find myself looking around movie theatres and wondering about the people there. But today was a different event. I attended the Roughriders-Stampeders football game (6 and 0 baby, yeah!). It was 35,000 people basically hanging out together, watching the game.
I find sports games interesting because they give me hope for the future. I know, that sounds somewhat melodramatic, but think of it. It is a group of people who have gathered together and are united in their cause. I was giving high fives and talking with people that I will never see again, and whose names I will never know, and that happens everywhere. In day to day life, everyone, especially in the city, and doubly especially downtown in the city, is an island unto itself. To extend the metaphor, each person is an island, and with their friends they make up a chain of islands, but islands nonetheless. But put these same people at a sports game and they are one, unified in purpose and desire. That is cool.
However, there is a flipside. I sometimes wonder if sports aren't this close (you can't see me, but my fingers are about a centimetre apart) to being the downfall of society. The concern that comes in is that these games pit one team against another. Now, despite what the school system seems to be trying to teach children these days, I think competition is a good thing. But the fans of one team are completely devoted to their team, to the exclusion of all else. It is more of an issue in European football where sports fans actually clash and riot over these games. Maybe I have read to many cyberpunk science fiction, but I sometimes can see a future where society has largely broken down and the streets are roamed by packs of Maple Leafs fans who are engaged in civil war against wandering hordes of Canadien fans, but both will unite, however briefly, against the Patriots fans. The games will still be played, but now, sudden death is exactly what it says.
I am only half kidding when I say that. The seriousness with which some people take the games is slightly frightening. It is not even all that back in Canada, at least at the CFL games. But I look at how sports are regarded in the U.S., or the football in Europe and I wonder if people aren't becoming too involved in their sports teams. To make matters worse, sports games are the perfect time for people to devolve into the whole mob mentality, where the lowest common denominator becomes the highest aspiration of the individual.
Until then, I will continue to watch and continue to enjoy. With any luck, things will never get as bad as my imigination.