Hemlo

Well, what a pair of weeks it has been. I returned today from a two week stint at an English Camp in Switzerland. Before I went I was fairly certain that I had no idea what I was doing and that I was probably making a mistake. I was only half right. This was probably the best decision that I have made in the past forever. It was so good, I can't believe how good it was. I am actually very sad that it is over. There is so much to say that I can't even begin to say everything that I want to. Luckily I kept a travelogue as I went, so over the next three days I will copy that out and post it, so you will get a day-by-day update of how my two weeks went. It's mostly just little observations that I made, or big ones, as I went through my days. It doesn't cover everything by a long shot, and it isn't really organised by day or anything. What I did was right a small (or longish) paragraph whenever I observed something worth observing. That means that each paragraph isn't really connected to the previous paragraph (keep that in mind).
The map at the top has three things to note. The first is a weird boxy shape around Geneva. That's where I flew into (and out of). The second is a square around Nuchatel. I took a train to there from Geneva when I arrived and from there to Geneva when I left. The third is a circle around Le Bois. That is where the camp actually was. It was so incredibly awesome that I don't even have words at the moment. That and I'm so exhausted that I can't really think much. I woke up at 4am Swiss time on Monday morning in order to catch my train on time (having gone to bed at 1am Swiss Time) and arrived at 7am Swiss Time on Tuesday morning (9pm Monday night local time), and I probably slept about three hours on the trip, so I'm a bit fried. But I HAD to get some laundry done before I went to bed. So I'm still up.
I will say this, I miss the people. I can now say that I have some German and Dutch and French and British friends (and more Canadian ones as well), and that's exciting. God loves us all and understands us all, even when we don't understand each other. I miss them already, and the kids I was working with as well. Really the next couple days are going to be a bit sad, I'll probably be a mix of joyous and happy and rather meloncholy, so if you see me and I seem down, I am, but it's a sad that is mixed with joy.
I should also mention the group I went with. It's called Janz Team Ministries, and it was started in Winnipeg. A funny quirk is that my Janz Team contact for organising EVERYTHING was actually in the States, even though I sent my forms to Winnipeg, but that's okay. Not a problem, just funny. But they are doing good work around the world, and they would love your prayers and support. This camp was focussed mostly on French-Swiss kids, along with a smattering of France-French kids and they really need your prayers. France is really a closed country in many ways, and if Janz Team can get a camp going in Switzerland for French people, it may help to open some doors in France. That would be awesome.
Well, that's all I have at the moment. Keep tuned over then next few days, I'll be updating like crazy.
Crazy, I went crazy once. They locked me in a room with rats. Rats, I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy, I went crazy once. They locked me in a room with rats. Rats, I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy, I went crazy once. They locked me in a room with rats. Rats, I hate rats. They drive me crazy....

Goombye

Later today I leave for Switzerland for my two weeks of camp work. In Switzerland! But it's got me thinking that there just aren't enough cars with fins on them anymore. There are a few still kicking around, but they are really old now. Really really cool, but old. Nothing new is ever that styling (except maybe for the new Mustang). It is almost as though people have decided that round is a much better shape, but they're wrong. A car with a good fin on it is something bold and striking, something that really catches the eye. It's sad really.
Also, I saw this video and it was really funny. I don't know if it the link will work, but whatever. It's a guy going around to different stores wearing a stocking on his head, kind of like a bank robber. It's funny watching people just panic and run away from him just because of the stocking on his head. At one place a group of people actually scream and run away. Another guy physically pushes him out of the store. And one guy says "What the hell is that then?", takes of and hides behind a barred door and then calls the cops. It's really funny.
Brian Regan is a funny comic. One of his bits is where he talks about not knowing how to use the phrase "You too". For instance he'll be eating at a restaurant and a the waitress will give him his food and say "Enjoy your steak," and he'll reply "You too". Well, I've been finding myself doing that too, probably influenced by him. Today I was at the bank and I mentioned that I was going to Switzerland. As I left the bank teller said "Enjoy your trip" to me, and I paused as I started to say "You too," and I had to mentally force myself to say "Thanks" instead.
And now I'm off to pack.
You too!

Mmm...

I was thinking today that it is very hard, and in fact may be impossible, to say the phrase "mmm, moist" without it seeming kind of gross. I don't know why, but there is something just intrinsicly icky about that phrase, like it dregs up memories of gross stuff from all of our pasts. If you don't believe me, then try it someday. In a group just say it, quietly almost to yourself, and see what kind of reaction people have. Even if you're just standing there they will assume you did or thought of something gross, and if they're polite they will just give you a weird look and avoid talking to you, possibly for the rest of the night. In fact I bet some of you who are reading this are wondering to yourself what exactly I was doing to make me think of the phrase "mmm, moist" and are a little grossed out. Don't deny it!
Just thought you should know.

Sweet Line

"She was a woman with curves out of one of my better dreams." - This is why I like old radio programs. They were just absolutely classic!

Don't ask me why, but Switzerland makes me think of the Seven Dwarfs...

It is now less than three days until I board that plane and leave for Switzerland, and it still isn't real yet. I received an email today telling me that I need to take a train from Geneva to somewhere (I saved the email, so I'll remember when I need to, don't worry), and in my mind I can perfectly picture what exactly it will all look like, how the journey will go, buying tickets, and everything like that. The problem is, in my mind it is someone else getting off of that plane and getting on the train. I'm just watching it like it's on TV or something. This is so much different than anything I've ever done before that sometimes I wonder if I'm up to it. And then I remember that I've bought the ticket already, so it doesn't really matter either way whether I'm ready for it or not. So then I wonder about how to convert money into Francs or Euros or whatever Switzerland uses. I don't really know offhand. Well I've got a couple days to figure that all out. So I will.
I'm really excited.

Let's get it right this time.

All right, so here we go.
A little over a month ago I quit my job because it was a job that I was completely unable to handle anymore. I think I've given my reasons often enough that I don't need to rehash that. Part of my plan when I quit the job was to start working at another job, one that ran different entertainment events, featuring the inflatable thingys, with the large boxing gloves, or just for jumping, or that sort of thing. It was my understanding that they would need pretty much full time help. In retrospect, that was probably mostly assumed on my part, because it has really only been part time, and very part time at that. So suddenly I have been without a job, essentially, for a solid month now, and maybe longer, forcing me to spend all of the money that I had, which wasn't much to start with.
During this time my internet connection just quits working. It has only been in the last day that we have figured out how to get it going, but at the cost of having a working home phone. I have (theoretically) a broadband phone, one that works over the internet, so when the internet is down, then the phone is down. Fortunately I just got a cell phone, so I have been able to communicate at least a little bit.
In this time, the departure date for my trip to Switzerland (July 15th in case you were wondering) has been swiftly approaching. However, because the person who is really organising everything happens to be living in London at the moment, pretty much all communication has to be through email (and the occasional phone call), and I haven't had the internet to check on it so suddenly I'm not sure if I have everything I need and I can't get a hold of anyone to ask any questions.
On top of that, I have to raise money for the trip, and I am not sure that I will be able to raise the money. I sent out a number of prayer letters, but frankly, a great deal of people that I sent it to are farmers and not exactly wealthy, so they couldn't support me financially. Fortunately they are farmers, so they are real good at praying, so that is a blessing for sure. That being said, I wasn't sure I would be able to raise the money in time, and I definitely couldn't pay myself, so I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen. I wouldn't be allowed to go if I didn't have the money raised completely, so this was a major issue.
And then the water pump on my car decides that it has lived a long and fulfilling life, so it is time so see the world of the great beyond, and it promptly pukes out every bit of antifreeze that it can. For anyone who doesn't know, driving a car without antifreeze is a bad thing. Not as bad as driving without oil, at least not as quickly, but definitely a bad thing.
Plus, my computer has decided that it doesn't want to run video games anymore without shutting itself off randomly. And sometimes when it isn't running video games. I'm wondering if the heat isn't affecting it, causing it to overheat every once in a while. I need a new fan for my computer (they cost money though, so it'll have to wait), plus a fan for my room would be good too because it has been too warm even downstairs sometimes, and it's hard to get a breeze going when there's no wind.
All of this has hit to make me completely unable to get a decent sleep for some time now. I lay awake at night wondering if any of these problems will ever be solved, and then, because it is night and my mind is completely incapable of shutting itself off even remotely, I start to worry about other things, and pretty soon I'm starting to question whether I'm a worthwhile person and whether I do any good for anyone at all. The self-pitying part of me is constantly annoyed that people keep wanting to hang out with me because it wants to feel like I've been abandoned by the world so that I can get a good self-pity party going. But fortunately I can't go that route. However, I really do spend a great deal of time wondering if I haven't completely turned my life into a joke. I feel like I'm worthless and of no use to anyone. I don't even do anything, and I can't make decisions and I'm weak and scared and I just have been drifting along with no real purpose in my life. There have been at least two separate nights where I have been so mad that I just want to scream, but I just can't bring myself to care that much.
And to top it all off, my chair broke a couple days ago. The back just snapped off where the top metal strip was welded on. Stupid chair.
This is getting long. Sorry about that.
But then I find out that my parents are sending a sizeable donation that will cover the unpaid cost of my Switzerland trip which surprised me. I was expecting them to give something, but not nearly that much. A quick note of how it works. The total cost, including plane ticket, of the trip is about $2100. I personally paid the $1600 plane ticket, leaving $500 to go. Once those $500 is raised, I am refunded any extra amount that comes in. That means if I raise $1000, then I get $500 back, so if you were thinking about donating, you still can, I won't mind, honest. At least, I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
Anyway, as you can see, my internet is working again, so suddenly I'm able to check emails and make plans about the trip again. Plus I can pay all of my online bills and check to make sure I actually have the money I think I have where I have it.
Peter and I spent a day fixing my water pump, and now it doesn't leak antifreeze anymore. And then my alternator decided to go on strike, which raised its own set of problems, but thanks to help from my friends, a borrowed car, and a good set of jumper cables I was able to get everywhere I needed to go. And then we went and bought a new alternator. I had enough to cover the cost right now, but I'm borrowing money to replenish what I lost because since I'm going to be gone until the end of the month and definitely not making any money, I have to make sure my end of the month bills can be covered before I even leave.
And I think they can because I have been working a bit in the past few days, plus I have a long day coming up, and the company is paying pretty well. It should add up to be enough to make sure I survive another month, yee-ha.
All of this has me feeling much more optomistic about things and I haven't been having trouble getting to sleep for a couple days now, though I still wake up a few times a night. That's normal for me, though. I wake up noticeably about every four hours at least, sometimes more than that. Have for years. Don't really know if that's a good thing or not, but it doesn't really bother me. I'm used to it.
Those feelings of inadequacy are still with me, but more in the background. I can look at what has happened in the last month and just shake my head, being smart enough to realise I probably made a few mistakes in there, leaning too heavily on assumptions that I shouldn't have made. There may be adverse consequences, but as long as I don't let my lethargy get the better of me, I should be okay. As soon as I get back I will have to find a job, but I live in Calgary. That's about as easy as falling off a bike. I just have to get my head in the game and actually pick something when the time comes. I tend to be very choosy when I'm looking for a job, and that gets me in trouble sometimes. I think it comes in part from still not being entirely sure about what to do with my life (or just unwilling to admit to myself what it is I want to do...), and being unwilling to commit to anything to substantial and 'career oriented' in the meantime. Silly me. Though right now I am looking at trying to get on at a bank, do the teller type stuff. I think that would be interesting. But we'll see how that all goes.
Plus, I duct taped the chair back together and it seems to be holding.
So all in all, things are looking up. But wait, I seem to be forgetting something, something that should be central to everything. And that is part of the problem as well. During all of this I seriously swung back and forth in my relationship with God. I really struggled sometimes, wondering why I should bother, more often wondering why He would bother with me (especially in those sleepless nights). At the moment I feel like I'm making progress, actually making an effort to have a relationship with this God fellow I've heard so much about. It does help being able to look back at everything and see little patterns of grace here and there. For instance, my water pump blew on Tuesday. On Monday I had driven the 800kms from Regina to Calgary, a journey of which I had completed the reverse only a few days before. If it had gone at anytime in there it would have been really bad, but it held until I got home. And then it worked out that Peter had the time to help me out, even though he has a wife, a child, a needy dog, and two jobs. I received my GST refund money right in there, money that meant I could afford the repairs. The money came in for my Switzerland trip, like I had originally trusted God would provide. Isn't it funny how we can trust God for something, but then take that trust back when it's not completed in our timing? No, that's not actually all that funny, is it. Sad, bordering on tragic maybe, but not funny. And in everything I'm healthy and safe. My problems seem to be thing related for the most part, so what do I have to worry about anyway? I can see God walking with me the entire time, probably shaking his head at times, but never leaving. That really is a comfort.
Well, by now you're probably all sorry that I'm connected to the internet again, so I'll wrap this up.
Also, I saw the Superman movie (twice) and I have to say that they did a good job. I don't know how excited I can get about Superman because I'm not a huge fan, but that being said, it was a pretty good movie. I don't think you should have any problems going out and watching it. Just thought you should know that. Also, the Spider-man 3 movie trailer ROCKED!!!!