Dance your cares away...

I have now seen the entire first season of Fraggle Rock, and I am sad. Why am I sad, you ask? Because I have watched them all and they are all done. Fortunately, I own the entire first season, so I can watch them again whenever I want. YAY!
If you were to ask me, I would say that this was possibly the best kids show ever. There are so many things about this show that are amazing, and not really seen anymore. Every show featured two songs at least, sometimes three (on the rare occasion, there was only one), and the songs were all completely natural. By that, I mean they weren't cheesy or forced. They always seem to fit perfectly with the stories and the characters. And they were really good songs too. Especially Boober's songs. He seemed to get a number of jazzy/bluesy songs, which really entertained me.
In typical traditional Jim Henson muppet fashion, the show is really quite funny. I quite often laughed out loud. Wembley and Boober are my favourites. One can never make up his mind, the other is pretty sure that he is going to die soon, and painfully. The trash heap, who is their oracle, was also quite amusing. She was rather out in left field at times, giving advice that had little to do with the problem, but she still managed to entertain. Her two shills, Gunge and Philo were also rather amusing, completely agreeing with Marjorie (the trash heap) no matter what she said.
But the best part of the show is how it deals with issues. As is common with most kids shows it is more than just entertainment; it tries to teach children while being entertaining. The difference between Fraggle Rock and most other kid's shows is how these issues are dealt with. Most children's shows are very obvious about the lesson being learned. At the end of the show, once the conflict has been resolved, the moral of the story will be explicitly stated ("You're right Mr. Tommykindobins. It is bad to steal. I'm sorry..."), and it can get extremely cheesy at times. That never happens in Fraggle Rock, or at least with far less regularity than other shows. Each episode features some sort of conflict, as is the case in any show, and then the conflict is resolved. At the end of the show, there has been a lesson taught, but in such a way that the child probably won't really notice they just learned something. As much as anything, it is a case of imitation more than statement. If a kid comes across a similar situation as the Fraggles faced, he or she will know how to resolve said problem by doing what the Fraggles did. Actions speak louder than words, and that's the Fraggles - pure action!
The other big difference is the issues being dealt with. There is no taboo, no tippytoing, no dumbing down. Jim Henson started Fraggle Rock as a method of stopping war by teaching children how to properly resolve conflicts, and the show pulled no punches when it came to handling problems. They did not avoid the topic of death or make everything too nice or perfect. As I said before, Boober was completely obsessed with death. He always talked about getting killed in different ways, and was a very morose character in general. Yet it was never frightening or over the top. It just was. When the chips were down he would always come through. There were things about the show that were vaguely creepy. There were monsters and danger all over the place. There was talk more than a few times of things that had happened in the past that resulted in the death of different Fraggles. Everything was handled, and handled very well. It was like they simply put the show out there and expected the kids to learn from it, or be entertained by it as they chose.
I guess this really struck me because I feel that children's media these days is being too tightly censored. I'm not against censorship per se, but I do think that in some ways we've gone backwards in some ways. I watched this show and was surprised at them getting away with some of these scenes these days. I remember hearing criticism about Aladdin (the Disney animated movie) as people said that it was too scary for kids. Having watched the Fraggles, I can't think of anything in Aladdin that was as scary as the Fraggles got, and Aladdin came out 1992, five years after Fraggle Rock went off the air. Only five years, and already it is too scary. Also, a line in the opening song that says "Where they'll cut off your ear if they don't like your face" has recently been changed to something that cast a less "offensive stereotype of Arab people". Fraggle Rock never had that problem. I guess it helps in dealing with entirely fictional creatures. It also helps that they were allowed to air without censorship. That doesn't mean they weren't checked, it just means that they were never told that something in the show had to be changed. It just feels to me like we are becoming overprotective and over sensitive. We can't let kids see anything that is negative, and all we're teaching them is how to be offended by things they don't like.
Well, bah! I say. Bah! to the whole lot of you. Well, maybe just the people that are overly sensitive. Kids need to learn good lessons, and those are being denied them because it's not politically correct. Sigh. Ah well. I guess all anyone can do is the best that they can.
Until then:
"Dance your cares away. Worries for another day. Let the music play. Down in Fraggle Rock!"

If we ignore it, it still won't go away.

Recently I purchased the first season of Fraggle Rock. I will give a complete accounting of the entire season when I am done watching them, but I wanted to say something about the episode that I just watched. Episode #17 ("Marooned") of the first season is one the most interesting episodes of any children's show that I have ever seen. Something I have found intriguing is how they never shied away from death on the show. Boober especially was always obsessed with death and was rather morose. This particular episode he is trapped by a rock slide with Red, and for most of the episode they are in a tiny cavern, hoping for their friends to rescue them. Throughout the episode, they discuss death and their fears and show real tenderness with each other. I'll be honest with you fine folks, I was almost tearing up a few times. This episode was definitely not done for laughs, though there were some of those as well. But I don't think they could have made this episode like this nowadays. As I'm watching this I'm thinking about how scary it would be for a young kid. But then it hit me. This is something that kids really need to know about and be able to deal with from a very young age, and I think many children's shows and books have moved away from this. I'll admit that I am no expert on the subject of kid's TV shows simply because I don't really watch a great deal of them, but what I see now is different from what I am seeing in Fraggle Rock. There are things that could be seen as genuinely spooky, but they are not shied away from. Newer shows don't quite have the same feel. The scary isn't dealt with; it's either not allowed to air, or made less scary or more funny. Most cartoons don't even allow the possibility of death. I feel like TV shows for kids are really letting down our children, failing to teach them anything, or at least limiting their lessons to the nice things to learn (friends are good, toxic chemical spills are less good). Are we coddling our children too much? I don't know, but I fear we may be.

We're walking that line

All right, Walk the Line. It's been a couple days since I've seen it, and I think it has properly penetrated. This movie is an amazing film. Admitedly, I do not know a great deal about the story of Johnny Cash's life, so I can't speak to the accuracy of the film in portraying real life events. That being said, the movie definitely captured the image and the feel of the man perfectly. Joaquin Phoenix made me believe that I was watching a biography, not a fictionalized movie. It wasn't just the singing that did it. It was how he carried himself, how he said what he had to say, the looks on his face, everything. It was just perfect.
Like I said, I didn't really know much about the story of Johnny Cash beforehand, but what I saw broke my heart at times. He had so much talent and he nearly lost it all. I felt sorry for his first wife and his daughters, how they were treated. The pressure on Johnny was so huge, it was sad to see him buckling and breaking. And then, in the end when he finally convinces June Carter to marry him, I was so happy that it worked out.
Oddly enough, the happy ending almost depressed me in some ways. I don't know if I'll be able to explain this, but I'll give it a shot. There had been so much trouble and strife in his life, so many lows, so much sorrow. But somehow, the love of June Carter saw him through the dark times, and pulled him to new heights. That was cheesy. The movie ends with them getting engaged on stage. I think it was a combination of things that had me feeling, not sad, but vaguely morose. Knowing that both Johnny and June had died a couple years ago was sad, almost like the happy ending that was here wasn't so happy after all. But, on the other hand, the fact that they died while still married showed that there was a happy ending after all. I was right. I can't explain why it affected me like it did. Just suffice it to say that I left the movie with a mixed set of bittersweet emotions running through me. Probably there are things in my own life that were spoken to by this movie. But really, it was a good movie, an amazing movie. If you are a Johnny Cash fan, you really need to see this.
As for the singing, well, Joaquin Phoenix could release an album (besides the Walk the Line soundtrack), and I would probably buy it. And Reese Witherspoon has an extremely lovely voice. I won't say I'd buy her album because I know that there is no chance of her releasing one (she said so a few times in different interviews). Frankly, they both rocked!
And I went down to that burning ring of fire...

More later

If you haven't seen it yet, go watch Walk The Line starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon.
I'll write more about it tomorrow.

fan·ta·sy n. pl. fan·ta·sies: The creative imagination; unrestrained fancy

Right now my church is doing a set of sermons on SEX. I know, I know, I can't use that word on the internet, but I guess I've always been a rebel. Last week's sermon was entitled "Virtual Sex". When you say that, the first thing that pops in to most people's minds is internet porn, or just porn in general. I know that was my first thought.
That wasn't really the focus (completely) of the sermon. It did play a part, but it wasn't the entirety of the message. In fact, what he spoke about was much more broad. Far more dangerous was fantasy. I'm not talking the stories about dragons, knights, and fair lasses in distress. Nor am I talking 'mind-porn' (which is what I call porn that you see/create in your head alone), although that is certainly an aspect of it. What fantasy refers to is living out life in your head instead of living real life. This is what often leads to affairs or heading for the computer to sneak around the dark alleys of cyberspace. It is taking situations further in your head than they have in reality. For example, it's when you see a pretty girl and start thinking about her and having conversations with her and just building her up in your mind without ever actually talking to her. You have a complete relationship solely in your head. And then you might start changing things you do in an effort to make this fantasy come true, such as rearranging your schedule to 'accidentally' run across this person. Or you just leave it in your head, but it still takes away from your relationship with your spouse and with God. If you don't currently have a spouse, it takes away from your relationship with your future spouse.
There was much more to the sermon, but what mostly struck me was this talk about fantasy, because that is what hit home the most. I am blessed with a very creative imagination, and I have noticed that I spend gobs of time fantasizing about different things. This is why I wanted to make sure fantasy was well defined. Most of what I think about isn't anything 'bad, per se. Often it's just about different situations in life. However, it takes my focus away from real life where it should be, and can at times really affect me emotionally.
I'll give a couple examples of the kind of fantasies that I have had, and then say why they were bad.
The first was one that was kind of fun. I daydreamed that I had somehow gained superpowers (very similar to Spider-man's, cuz I'm a geekboy fan). That was okay. And then I started crafting an entire world around it. Soon, there was an entire team of us, and we were government sponsored (that's how we had got our powers). For some reason no one knew my identity (I didn't flesh that part out), and I fought really hard to keep it a secret because...why? I decided it was to protect my family. So who was my family. Just my five year old daughter. My wife had died in childbirth shortly after I got my powers, a negative side-effect of the powers. The reason I did this was because there was a woman on the team of super-heroes who I was interested in, so I couldn't have a wife at the same time. Eventually I brought the woman home to meet my daughter, and that was when she finally understood why I had never revealed my identity to her before (I had by that time). That was about as far as I got before I ended that little melo-drama. But it kept me occupied for at least a week, maybe two.
The fantasy world was from a couple years ago. There was a girl that I kind of liked, and so in my head I started to explore that possibility. I had great conversations with her and found a million different ways to start dating her. Every time I saw her this flashed through my head, how she would swoon over me and just be completely willing to be the special lady in my life. Then one day at church, I noticed her standing beside a guy, and just the way they were standing made me realise they were dating (or almost dating, I'm not exactly sure of the timing). They weren't holding hands or even standing particularly close, but somehow I could tell. There was just something that tipped it off. I was devestated. I actually spent the next couple days feeling like I had been kicked in the gut. The woman I loved had been stolen away right from under my nose.
Both of these fantasies appear to be fairly harmless; there wasn't even any sexy clothing, let alone actual sex (there's that word again). But I can tell they were not kosher because as I was writing them I was feeling very nervous and shaky because I was revealing the intimate details of my love life. And it all happened in my head. There was absolutely no reality whatsoever. And this happens all the time. I allow myself to live out a fascinating and rich social life in my head but I never make the effort to connect with people even a tenth as much in reality. I let these thoughts crowd out any thoughts of God I could have. I get so emotionally wrapped up in the fantasy and I have nothing left to spend on reality. And yes, I sometimes allow these fantasies to wander to far, I am sorry to say. In many ways it is kind of sad. Somehow I have let these moments of fantasy become so important that I would rather indulge in them than deal with reality. When I'm at work I would rather spend my time thinking about my super-powered girlfriend than talk with my co-workers. I'm so far in a relationship in my head that anything else completely devastates me. I have been to the point of marriage in my mind more than once.
These past few days have been tough. I have really been watching what I think and how I spend my time thinking, and I fully noticed how much time I spent in these worlds (even right now I can feel the desire to go back to the world of superheroes, where I'm fighting off bad guys as I try to get my daughter to school on time). It surprised me how much time I spent just fantasizing about nothing. I have spent countless hours playing solitaire and 'relaxing', hours that were nothing more than pointless fantasy, time I could have spent making real relationships with people on MSN or getting to know people some other ways. It's to the point where I feel like I can't go to bed unless I've 'relaxed' in this manner for a while (usually 30+ minutes) beforehand. However, in the past few days I have made a conscious effort to keep my mind firmly fixed on reality. That means every time I start to drift off I quickly turn it in a conversation with God. Or I start to think about more practical things, such as remembering what I have to do that day, or preparing myself mentally for things that are coming up (such as the Home and Garden show at the Roundup Centre, starting noon Thursday until 9pm Sunday. Come on down! I work Thursday till fourish and Friday until fourish). Another thing I do is allow myself to fall in to a fantasy world, but this world is one that I am creating an actual story for, as in writing it out. I am not a character in this story, it has nothing to do with me, it's more of a story that one would read, not a life that I am living in my head.
But it is really tough to do. There are so many times where I shake my head and realise that I had just been having a conversation with someone and having to fill in their words because they weren't actually there.
When I started this BLOG, I wanted it to be a place where I could not only entertain people, but a place where I could share myself with others in a way that I really struggle with just by talking. I also hoped that other people might possibly learn from my words, or at least take something away that they could think about. That is why I'm sharing this with you people today. It hasn't been easy, but I think it was worth it.
Re-reading that paragraph, it almost sounds like I'm quitting the BLOG. I'm not. If you thought that, then stop thinking it. If you didn't think it, then you were right not to think it.
Signing off for now,
Darrell.

P.S. Sex (oops, I did it again)
P.P.S I bet most of you are now thinking of the Britany Spears song.
P.P.P.S. And if you weren't, you are now!

Why dating is so hard...

I come to you good people tonight with an empassioned plea from all of us who are currently unattached: please let us hang out with each other without placing expectations on our heads or false hope in our hearts. Allow me to explain.
As you probably well know, I am single. There is only one of me, and there are currently no other significant personages in my life. Now, I don't think that God has it for me to be single (if that was awkward in a grammerical sense, I do apologise) for the rest of my life, but for right now I am content in trying to live the best life I can without anyone in my life in that way. Part of that life is making friends and hanging out/working with a variety of people. In these travails it is inevitable that I will cross paths with members of the opposite sex who also happen to be unencumbored by love's mad symptoms. Now, in English: sometimes I'll spend time with (or talk to) single ladies.
I am mostly talking to married/dating people when I say this, though everyone can fall into this trap. What I am saying is this: just because I talk to a single girl does not mean I am want to date her or she wants to date me!!!!!! This has me irritated enough that I actually just used five more exclamation points than I meant to.
I've talked to other guys I know about this issue (and I assume it is the same for the ladies)(and I'm right, too), and they agree with me. There is little that is as irritating as spending your entire life being asked if you are trying to date the girl you were just talking to. It's even worse when the thought hadn't crossed your mind until someone else plants it there. There are many times where I've spent an evening with a group where there has been one particular young lady who I have 'hit it off with', which for me usually means I'm being the regular goofball that I tend to be, and she finds me amusing so she is laughing at my screwball nature, and we are talking a bit. In my mind, all I'm doing is entertaining her, maybe getting to know her and that is it. Afterwards someone will come up to me and tell me that they think the girl likes me and then ask if I'm going to go for it. Suddenly I don't know what to think. The entire evening will flash by in my head and I will start to question the signifigance of everything that happened, and then I won't know what to think. The next time I see that girl I feel awkward because I don't know exactly what to think anymore. Now I admit that I'm probably a little worse than many in that way, but it is still an irritant even if it doesn't really affect a person in that way.
So let me say this: I'm not spending all of my time and energy trying to impress the ladies and get myself a girlfriend. I'm not a college freshman (ooooh, snap!)(heh, I'm also not particularly hip, cool, or with it)(yay me). Goodness knows it's hard enough being a single person these days, we don't really need to have these extra expectations and worries heaped upon our heads. All I'm asking is to let us be, and to not make assumptions about anything. If I tell you that I'm interested in a girl, then that is an invitation to comment on it, and maybe give me advice or share your observations. Other than that, assume that I'm not interested in any girl I like, even if it looks like the complete opposite is true. Most single people just want to be allowed to be single and to live our lives as we will. At some point most of us will probably get married, but no one wants to be rushed or pressured in to something like that.
Like I said earlier, this seems to a problem for single people caused mostly by married/dating folks, but not solely. I imagine everyone makes the mistake of incorrect assumptions from time to time. I know that I have, and I feel bad every time, especially when it turns that it was true (that the guy liked the girl, or vice versa) but it didn't work out, or I said/did something that made it awkward.
Really, this is a trust issue in some ways. We need to feel like we are trusted to live our own lives without having just this one area meddled with. I honestly feel at times like other people, with the very best of intentions, are trying to push me in certain directions because they don't think I can handle it on my own. That is a bit extreme, really, and it is only on my worst days that I feel quite that dark about the whole issue, but it is a feeling that is there.
Another thing that eliminating this problem would help is the area of gossip. If people don't assume anything about my 'love life', then there is nothing for them to talk about. I haven't ever experienced any problems in this area, but other people have. Someone makes a false assumption and talks to another person, who tells someone else and pretty soon the entire school/church/work place/playground/sports stadium is all atwitter with excitement about this impending relationship, and suddenly the two parties aren't talking to each other because it got too awkward and the story got changed. Take Mike and Val for example. Mike and Val hang out with each other regularly because they both enjoy basketball. One day Tony thinks Mike and Val are spending quite a significant amount of time together. So he tells that to Jerry, who mentions to Jeff that Mike and Val seem to be very interested in each other, who mentions to Cindy that Mike likes Val, who tells Kim that Mike is really in to Val, who tells Val that Mike is all hot and heavy for her. Suddenly Val, who really just liked to talk hoops with Mike and had no other opinion on the guy feels all awkard because she thinks that Mike is more interested in her than in basketball. Maybe she even feels a little angry because she's not sure if Mike even likes basketball or if he is just trying to convince her to date him. The next time she sees him she acts all cold towards him because of this, and this hurts Mike, who really just wants to talk basketball because it is his favourite thing in the world. He gets upset and soon they drift apart with bruised feelings on both sides. And don't say that I'm just making things up, because similar situations have happened quite regularly that I've seen. Of course, that particular story I did just make up, but the point of the story is the same. Making these false assumptions can be harmful, if not just a major irritant.
I've ranted about this long enough. I am sincere in what I say. Allow single people the freedom to be single. Many of us would like to be dating, but we also don't want extra pressure in an already pressure laden area. If you're a friend, then you should trust us to do what we need to do, and if you aren't a friend, then it probably isn't really your business anyway. And if anyone catches me doing what I've railed against, PLEASE call me on it. I hate it when it happens to me, and I would hate it more to do it to others.
For the record, it's okay to ask if we like anyone in general, or anyone in specific. That's not the issue. It's the baseless assumptions that are the problem.

Which weighs more: A ton of feathers or the colour red...

Meanderings

...when i see people being racist, it makes me angry...i wish i could protect the women i know from the ugly parts of life...oranges make my tongue unhappy...i wish i could protect all women from the ugly parts of life...i don't own any red socks...bright shirts make me happy...the song Sexual Healing reminds me of Troy Dunham...i love the complete randomness of kids' imaginings...i used to play the piano, but i don't anymore...i don't really miss it...creating stories excites me...i used to think the band INXS was pronounced inks...turns out it's 'In X S'...sonofagun...if i've made someone laugh i feel like i've conquered the world...if i make them cry, then the world has conquered me...sometimes arguing makes me feel ill...i remember the last time i cried, but it's been a while...death doesn't scare me, but leaving people sad because i'm not around anymore does...i don't understand intolerance...people need to check their sources before they spout off on controversial subjects...sports are just games people, there are more important things...money is irritating for the most part...i love cold, crisp, sunny days...when it is too cold, i enjoy them from inside...i really am a bit of a wimp...squirrels amuse me, they're so cheeky...why do girls constantly fall for guys who aren't worthy of them...i love that in cartoons you can reach behind your back and pull out a grand piano complete with pianist, and then smash it on someone's head and they sit on the ground with piano keys in their mouth and you can play chopsticks on those keys...i love cartoons in general...why don't people relax more...cupcakes will be in heaven, i'm sure of it...i don't like politics, but i try to keep an eye on what's going on because it really is important...i wish people would pay more attention to kids, not just watch them but realise that these are little people who are always learning, and everything you do is influencing them somehow...i love to read...i hate when my friends hurt...i'm laid back and not very assertive, but when i want to be stubborn, you can't move me, so don't try...i'm done now

I still like Phil Collins

February fifteenth. Another Valentine's Day has come and gone. And once again, my feelings on the matter are: meh. I honestly don't really care about Valentine's Day much, except that it is probably over commercialised. But what holiday isn't these days. My only complaint is with the radio. February fourteenth is the worst possible day to listen to the radio. Even Jack FM, the local "playing what we want" radio station was tending towards the slow love ballads. I didn't even bother trying the country radio station. I'm pretty sure they just played the sounds of people crying all day, or in the very least it was mostly the most mushy and slow songs they could find. That's not really what I want to listen to ever, so it's kind of irritating that there wasn't much in the way of options. Really, it wasn't too terrible. I kept switching through different radio stations and managed to avoid most of the tear jerkers. I would have listened to the talk radio, but all they want to talk about right now is the Muslims protesting the Danish political cartoons, and the fact that a Liberal guy accepted a job in the Conservative government. Oh, and there's a healthy smattering about Wayne Gretzky and his gambling problem (which consists of being married to someone who placed a bet on the superbowl, something that isn't even technically illegal - why they keep bugging him I'll never know)(that's a lie. It's because the media is composed largely of ratings-whores who will sell themselves out to get the most sensational story possible, even if the facts get left behind)(I LOVE the media....). I'm tired of hearing of those stories, so I preferred to take my chances with the music. It's not even the 'love songs' that bother, but the really slow, really bad ones, which is a large number of songs. But maybe that's just me.
It's late, I'm tired, and I just ate a tuna sandwich.

Seriously - MCCOOL!

The guy's name was Scott McCool. McCOOL! Seriously, Unseen Evil 2 (AKA Alien 3000, though I don't know why) was so bad that I LOVED it. Invisible aliens, bad acting, and exploding sets that looked like cardboard buildings surrounded by toy cars. This movie had it all...

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo

Sometimes it pays to be indecisive and willing to let the other person be right. We (my roommate Rob and I) had a leftover smokie in our fridge, and neither of us knew who it belonged to, so when he said that he thought it was mine, I shrugged, agreed, and ate it. I think that means I win.

I'm so angry!

I say this in all seriousness: Go rent the movie Crash. The one that came out last year, with Sandra Bullock and Don Cheadle, among a host of others. It is a really good movie, and it made me angry. It goes through one day in the life of a series of a group of characters living in L.A. Each character's story is intertwined with the other people's stories somehow. The movie is about racism, but it is not a feel good movie. At the end of the movie, absolutely nothing is resolved, and the most maddening thing is that it is disgustingly accurate to how many people are in many parts of the U.S. and Canada. I hate it so much.
So see the movie, and then spend some time thinking about it. Discuss it with friends. Not just the movie, but the problems that it raises. This is not a problem that will go away by ignoring it.

Who's doing the tagging now?!?

Did you know that....

Four jobs I've had:
1. Waiter
2. Sign Hanger at Home Depot
3. Knife Salesman
4. Shoe Salesman

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. About a Boy
2. Spider-man 1 & 2
3. Grosse Pointe Blank
4. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Asking me to pick only four isn't very nice...

Four places I've lived:
1. Regina
2. Saskatoon
3. A gravel pit outside of Prince George
4. Caronport

Four tv shows I love to watch:
1. Holmes on Homes
2. Futurama
3. Fraggle Rock (I just bought the first season on DVD...I'm so excited!)
4. Seriously, I don't watch much TV. I don't even know what's on anymore

Four places I've been on vacation:
1. Calgary
2. Edmonton
3. Banff
4. Yellowstone

Four of my favourite dishes:
1. Roast Chicken (or Turkey) with stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. I'm drooling right now.
2. Fried Chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. Still drooling
3. My mom's banana bread. Way drooling.
4. Perogies and Smokies. It's just a wave of drool now...

Sites I visit daily:
1. Comics.com
2. Ucomics.com
3. Dailyink.com (it's a comic strip website)
4. 11 people's blogs (Scott, Chris, Jeff, Peter, Rachel, Ben, Lorraine, Niki, Jon, Jacquie (plus a second one of Jacquie's) and Scott Adams).

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Ireland
2. Space
3. Lost in the world of a good book
4. Found

...now you know!

And now I tag Rachel (you've done it, and now you've been tagged...backwards but now all the proper steps have been taken), Jon, Lorraine, Jacki, Jesse, and Nicki.

Hollywood vs Christianity vs...Me?

Greg sat down heavily on the couch, being careful not to spill his drink. His buddy Joey always knew how to throw a great party, but it had been a long week, and Greg needed to relax for a bit. He looked around the room, taking in the people around him. Suddenly he noticed someone he hadn’t seen before. Their eyes met, and it was like a jolt of electricity shot straight through him. Could it be true? Was this young woman ‘the one’? The one he had been waiting for his whole life? It must be…

Sound familiar? This scene, or a variation of such, is one that plays out in movies all the time. The so-called romantic comedies where it is inevitable that love will come to the characters are very popular, as are the action movies where the intrepid hero falls deeply and passionately into bed--I mean love, at the drop of a hat.
However, movies don’t have the stranglehold on this particular fuzzy emotion. If you wait long enough (and it usually isn’t that long of a wait) then those in Christian circles will also spout the same sentiment. It seems no matter where you go, people assume that love is instantaneous and involuntary.
The funny thing is most people, especially Christians, will deny that this is an accurate portrayal of their views on love. “Love requires hard work, devotion, and trust,” they will say. “Love is a, love is a, love is a ve-erb” they’ll sing (thank you DC Talk). They may even quote 1 Corinthians 13 to you (“Love is patient, love is kind…” etc). How can that be instantaneous? And the truth is, what they speak of is the opposite in many ways of the instant gratification that is so often called love in this day and age. Love is more than casual sex, or mindless lust. Love does require action, patience, persistence, and many other worthy nouns and adjectives. So what is my issue?
The problem is, no one seems to actually believe what they are saying, at least not completely. In order to notice, though, you have to be single, which describes me very accurately. These very same people that tell me about the verb-ness of love dispense advice on love that seems contradictory. I will give an example:
Me: I’d like to get married someday.
Them: Well, when the right girl comes along, you’ll know
Or
Them: You just haven’t met The One yet
Or
Them: There’s a girl out their for you.
If you’re a single girl, then I’m sure that you’ve heard the same advice, only with switched genders.
This leads me to wonder: what exactly am I supposed to believe? Any time the subject comes up, I’m given these contradictory messages. Which is it?
Honestly, I’m tired of the advice or ‘words of comfort’ that I get from people, because they don’t really help. In my mind, it’s an issue of limiting God.
As near as I can figure, God has granted humanity free will. We can debate this all day every day, and never get anywhere on that particular subject, so I will tell you that if you don’t believe in free will, then my arguments will not sway you one bit, and I will spare you the need to finish reading this. If you do believe in free will, then I ask that you stick with for a while longer. This free will that God has granted us gives us the freedom to choose for ourselves, rightly or less-than-rightly, the paths we must take in life. Yet I am supposed to believe that I have no choice in love, that God will just take someone and ram their soul into mine in order to create a better super-soul?
I’m not buying it. The God I worship, the God I’m trying to know more every day is a God who, though it so often pains Him, gives us the freedom to choose our way. He doesn’t control us like puppets. I don’t see how, then, He would take this one area of our lives and completely decide for us, even if He does know what is best.
What, then, is the answer? I suppose that since I am single, it might seem odd that I should be speaking so authoritatively on this particular subject, but observation and experience at being single has shown me a few things.
As individuals, free to choose our own course, that means we are free to choose our own loves. This is pretty obvious to me given the number of broken relationships, both within and without the Christian world. People are choosing badly, even the people who meet their soul-mate. There are a number of factors that make people fall out of love: infidelity, boredom, fear, inability to commit, and unwillingness to work hard, among others. But if all it takes to fall in love is to meet ‘the right one’, then these should not be matters of consequence. Yet they are. Obviously, this instant falling in love is not working.
I truly believe that there are many women in the world that I could love and marry and with whom I would be very happy. And I bet there are some among you who are now worried for me. “What’s the point,” you may ask “in marrying anyone if you don’t think they are the only one you could be happy with?” The answer I’d give is one word: change. “Quarters and nickels?” you may reply, confused. I’d sigh and expand on my answer.
As people live their life, they change. I’m taller than I was fifteen years ago (sadly, my feet are the same size. I looked like Ronald MacDonald when I was younger), and there are many experiences I’ve had since then that have shaped my life and my personality. In the same way, everyone around me has changed as well, having growth spurts and experiences of their own. The people we were then are not the people are now, and we will all be different people ten years from now. And each new experience influences who we are and will become. That means people will come and go in our lives who are able to fill our needs at that time, but if we choose not to go down a path with them, then we will change, they will change, and soon you won’t be able to fill each other’s needs.
If I marry a girl, then the girl I could have married ten years later won’t be a problem because the married me will be so significantly different than the single me would have been. And who knows, at any given time, there may be two different girls that could fill my needs. In that case, it comes down to choosing between the two. As a (slightly absurd) example, I’ll direct you to Jerry Seinfeld.
In one of his routines, Jerry speaks of medicine and the different types there are. At one point, he brings up ‘long-lasting’ versus ‘quick-acting’, and muses “do I need to feel good now, or later?” In the same way, you would have to know what needs you want/need to have filled by a significant other in your life. It comes down to you choosing who you want to build a relationship with, and who you don’t want.
All of this sounds so dispassionate and cold. There is so much more to love than just unfeeling choices, but in the same way, there is more to it than mindless sparks. It seems the hardest part is knowing what choices to make. Thank God for, well, God.
For those of you still with me who are worried that I have cut God out of the picture completely, let me reassure you. God is very much a part of the picture, or at least He should be. God knows what’s best for us. It’s just what He does and who He is. In everything we should be looking to Him, asking for guidance. Trust me, it’s going to be pretty good counselling if we choose to accept it. God will guide you to what is best for you right then, and it is up to you if you will choose it or not. There is so much more that could be talked about in this area, again straying into free will territory, as well as predestination and thoughts on the future and that sort of thing. That is a discussion for another day. Today, however, I think it’s best, and also true, to say that God presents us with choices and lets us choose.
Of course, everyone knows someone whose relationship with their ‘significant other’ seems to fly in the face of what I’ve talked about, those people who knew instantly that the person they had just met, even that they had just seen, was the one they were going to marry. I have two things to say to that. First, there are obviously exceptions, or at the very least stretches, to what I have said. Sometimes the Holy Spirit steps in and says “listen up: marry her. That’s the best choice, that’s the right choice, just do it.” But even in that case, you still have to decide to follow that guidance. It’s just an easy choice, like deciding between a thousand lashes with a steel tipped whip or having a brownie. I don’t think I know anyone who wouldn’t choose the brownie. Even if you’re allergic to chocolate, that’s still a better death than the thousand lashes. All right, I’ve slipped into the absurd again, but you get my point. No matter what the choice, you still have to CHOOSE. The second thing I have to say is that it is entirely possible that seeing a person and falling in love instantly and being right could just be a coincidence. That seems unlikely, but I’ve seen enough unlikely things to know that it is possible. Maybe you just got lucky.
I guess this has been a long rant, but it has been building inside of me for a while. I’m just tired of my single-ness being reduced to nothing more than the fact that I haven’t been at the right place at the right time, or worse, that I was there, but just not paying attention. How much would that suck. But if I’m right in saying that once you are in a relationship you have to choose to stay in love, to work out problems and make a conscious choice to continue to love and support even when it is hard, then I’m right in saying that you have to choose who you are going to love in the first place.
To take it one step further, this doesn’t just apply to marriage. Everyone seems so keen on pointing out that there are four different types of love mentioned in the Bible (agape, philadelphia, mushy, and agape light, if memory serves). So that means that it is possible to love people in other ways. Which means saying you love your friends is okay. Therefore, you have to choose your friends and choose to love them. Oddly enough, I will get less challenges for that one than for the entire rant about ‘romantic love’. Oh well, I choose to love those who disagree with me anyway.
Obviously, there is so much more to living a full life, especially a Christian life. This is just one aspect of life, but it is one that seems to be fairly substantial in most people’s lives. I think the hardest part of all is figuring out how to balance this with everything else in love. That is one question I really don’t have any answers for. I guess we’ll all just have to play it by ear.
Incidentally, for those of you curious about our friend Greg from the beginning (scroll back up and refresh your memory if you need to, I can wait), well, things didn’t work out so well. It turns out that the electricity he felt when he saw “her” (Janine, if you must know her name) was actually his cell phone. The battery, it would seem, was starting to misfire due to multiple droppings by the clumsy handed Greg. Unfortunately, it blew up in his pants later that night, after he had been soundly rejected by Janine (who liked Andy, who was interested in Maria, who only had eyes for Sam, who was keen on Sam (who was a girl) who liked Jake…and it goes on like that. Greg has a slightly pathetic group of friends, really). Fortunately for Greg, he wasn’t wearing the pants at the time. Sadly, it was not so fortunate for the gerbil that had crawled into the pants to nest. Better luck next time Greg, and watch out for small rodents in your pants.

Teaser

So, where do Hollywood and Christianity agree? And how are they both, if not wrong, then misguided? Stay tooned....

I LOOVE the Hugh Grant

I will admit, freely and without shame, that I am a Hugh Grant fan. I tend to enjoy most movies that he is in (Nine Months nearly killed me)(um, with laughter), and if I don't necessarily enjoy the movie itself, I at least enjoy him. He always seems to do a good job with his roles.
So why the sudden confession, you may ask. Well, I just had the pleasure of watching for the second or third time the greatest movie that he has ever made: About A Boy. There are so many things about this movie that just work. The music, done by Badly Drawn Boy for the most part, sets the perfect mood for everything that happens in the movie. The cinematograhpy is interesting, especially the overhead scenes where the camera turns, and the scene where a character walks towards the camera and as he passes it, it follows him, ending upside down.
But those aren't the real reasons that I like this movie. I like the movie because the characters are pretty sweet, and the actors really nail them. Hugh Grant plays a guy whose dad wrote a hit song and so he lives off of the royalties, looking for women to shag. That is his entire life. And then he meets Marcus and things start to change; he begins to care about something beyond himself. Of course there are misunderstandings and difficulties along the way, which lead to the fantastic comedy. There were so many times where I just had to laugh at how much of a jerk that Hugh Grant actually was. He was a complete jackass, especially towards the ladies. The worst part was when he decided that he should start pursuing single mothers because they would be easy targets. So he invents a child and starts trying to date Suzie, who is a friend of Marcus' mother. And then, when Marcus' mum tries to kill herself, somehow Will (Hugh Grant) gets dragged into the whole situation until suddenly he finds that he cares about Marcus, something that he had never experienced before.
There were so many ways that this movie could have gone wrong. They could have overplayed the comedy, or oversexed it, or, worst of all, gave in to the absolutely cheesy ending that one has come to expect from many movies. Instead, the balance between comedy and serious is struck very well. It is not a movie that is full of hilarious knee-slapping moments (though the old lady at the Christmas dinner was pretty fun); instead it works the humour in subtly and naturally. Everything that is funny is not only completely in character, but completely believable. And even though Will is a womanizer, there is no sex at all in the movie. Not even implied, really, except for the occasional kiss. It really wouldn't have fit in the movie at all, and it wasn't there. Finally, the ending was very good. Marcus doesn't end up dating the girl he has a crush on, and Will doesn't fall in love with Marcus' mom. Yet, somehow they are all family. There is also Rachel Weisz, another single mother that Will wants to date. But, due to Marcus' influence, this time it is different. He actually likes this woman and wants a less physical relationship than normal. And when push comes to shove, he actually admits that he doesn't have a son (at this point, Marcus was masquerading as his firstborn), which wrecks the relationship for a while, until she sees later that he is not as vapid and meaningless as he may have seemed. At the end, he is dating her, and friends with Marcus and his mom, and Marcus is friends with Rachel's son, who seems to be dating the girl that Marcus had a crush on, though that is only lightly implied at the end.
There are many little moments that work together to make this movie wikkidcool. I love that they come to the conclusion that no man is an island, but that everyone needs backup, in the words of Marcus.
That is so true...