Another Reason why I would struggle as a pastor

When I really think about it, I like Christmas. For the life of me, though, I don't know why. What I like about Christmas is the opportunity to spend time with people you love, and have a chance to take a break, at least somewhat, from the ordinary. I don't care about gifts. If I never received another gift I wouldn't mind. I don't care about the Christmas carols. Actually, I don't really like most Christmas music.
I honestly feel like I was blessed growing up in a poor family. We never had to 'skip Christmas', but I never got huge presents or many gifts. At the time I was a little frustrated because I would go back to school and my friends would talk about the twenty presents they got and I only had three or four and mine were combined worth less than their cheapest gift. But even then I could appreciate that my parents and family loved me and the time and effort that I received made up for the lack of a Nintendo or colour TV. And now when I hear about people being excited about what they are going to get, I just feel a little uncomfortable. I don't want to be all Scrooge and start saying 'Bah Humbug' (actually it's kind of a fun phrase to say...), but at the same time, where is our focus? Where is the balance?
I had a thought yesterday at our Christmas Eve service. We have our holiday moods mixed up. Christmas should be more somber and Easter should be more of a party. You see, Christmas is kind of sad because we know the end of the story. When I was born, my parents had no idea where I would go, what my life would bring. It is a celebration and a chance to look to the promise of a bright future. But we know that, as soon as Jesus was born he was marked for death. That doesn't sound like a party moment, it sounds almost like a waste!
Then we get to Easter, and we are all solemn and reverant, and that just doesn't seem right either. Sure him dying is sad, and it is a very serious time, but only on Friday. Because on Sunday, you see, the home team wins! Think of it, when the Riders won the Grey Cup, did the province of Saskatchewan stand around solemnly saying deeply profound things? No, they had an outdoor party. In November, in Saskatchewan. That is what Easter should be like! We've won, it's over, there's nothing left to fight over. I guess that would make our role as christians to be the sportscasters who make sure everyone knows the score so they can celebrate the win with us. So why do we spend most of our time so dour and solemn, trying to be all serious and focussed. That's for the beginning of the game, not the victory dance. That's for Christmas, not Easter!
So back to Christmas, there are good things about it, but it has nothing to do with presents and songs. It is family and community. That is the greatest thing about Christmas, how more people are willing to show some sort of good will, good feelings to people around them, rather than focussing completely upon themselves, though there is plenty of that going on too. I just wish people, especially christians, would remember that on February 8th, and June 2nd, and September 24th.
That is one way of looking at it, there is much more to the season than I have mentioned here, but that is what has been on my mind this year.
I hope everyone had a merry Christmas. I miss all of you and think of you often and fondly. Even you Scott :D

Mountain Therapy

So I didn't make it home for Christmas this year, so I consoled myself with a week in the Swiss Alps. I know, it's a hard life I live.
Seriously though, I did spend some time in the Swiss Alps, in a town called Adelboden. Janz Team, the mission agency I am with, has a chalet there, and a group of us rented it. We left a day after all of the kids cleared out and just spent the time relaxing.
Most people went skiing, but I decided I couldn't afford it this year and I didn't desperately want to go, so I just went on some nice hikes instead. It was perfect weather, sunny every day with cold temperatures, but not so cold that it was unpleasant to be outside. It was probably between zero and -10 Celcius everyday, maybe getting a little colder at night. We had an unobstructed view of some mountains, and it was gorgeous. Seriously, I wish I was back there right now. I came away from the trip so very relaxed and refreshed. It was a long semester and a break really was needed.
Now I am back at the dorm, just hanging out and doing more relaxing. I don't have a car so it is difficult getting around sometimes. We are allowed to use the dorm vans, but we are only given a certain amount of kilometres that we can use before we have to start paying for it. We get 50kms every month and after that we have to pay 40 Euro cents per kilometre. The good news is that we can carry our kms forward, so I have 90kms that I can use this over the break, but that won't get me too far, a few trips into town or to other dorms, but all in all it isn't too bad. I'm not complaining.
So Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this. I hope you get some time to relax and be with those that you love, or in the very least those that you like. I miss you all!
D

I am the rabbit

Last night we had a going away party for someone and at the house there was a little coffee table game. Basically it was cards that had questions on them and you were supposed to answer them. Kind of like the Ungame, for those of you who know what that is. Some of the questions were "what clothing would you where if you didn't care what people thought," or "what celebrity do you have a crush on", that sort of thing. Some were surprisingly deep, and some were, shall we say, off colour (not a reflection of those who owned the game, I assure you). I was thinking afterwards about a question that would have fit the game that I could have answered: What is the saddest thing you have seen. If that had been a question, this is the answer I would have given:
The saddest thing I have seen occurred when I was working in Edmonton. I was walking around one afternoon, and it was a bit of a cloudy day. There was a SuperStore that had a large empty lot behind it, probably one that was large enough to put another SuperStore and parking lot if they wanted (For those who don't know SuperStore, it is a Canadian grocery store, kind of in between Safeway and Costco). The lot had some scruffy grass growing, and where there wasn't grass was a mix of dirt and some gravel. Just a basic empty lot. As I walked by it I noticed that there was a single rabbit right in the middle of the field, and as I looked at it I was hit with a sad feeling. It just seemed so lonely and out of place, almost like it was lost in the wilderness, or in the city as the case may be. There was just something profoundly sad about seeing this rabbit in the middle of this empty field.
Sometimes I think back to that rabbit and I sympathise. There are days where I feel completely isolated and seperate from everyone and everything. I have really wrestled with that at times since being here. Just outside of Maugenhard (where my dorm is) there is a farmers field that has nothing in it except for one tree. Everytime I see that tree I am reminded of the rabbit.
The nice thing right now is that this feeling of disconnect is not necessarily a depressing one. I have been faced with many personal issues since arriving here and have had to confront some of my 'personal demons' if you will, and I have actually been working through them and getting better. I have to say that it has not been an easy first few months here. I have been going through the regular culture shock, as well as some homesickness (though that has been very minor, more of a gentle longing mixed with pleasant memories), plus those issues, plus getting used to the guys and working basically all day every day. It is no wonder that I am tired.
But with all of that, I have been starting to really feel a sense of God's calling on my life, and I feel like I can really wrestle with matters of calling and life in ways that I have never been able to before. It was always buried beneath irrelevancies.
But how does this relate to the rabbit? Well, as I am going through all of this, I have been at times feeling like I have to much going on in my head that I don't feel like I am fully connected to the world around me, like I am the lone rabbit in the field. But somehow I also feel like that means I am aware of the world around me, even if I don't quite fit. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but it is definitely how I feel. I also suspect that many people feel that way sometimes. Maybe that's self delusion so I don't feel quite so alone, who knows. Either way, I am outta here.

I'm back, in a cyberspace way. I still live in Germany

Hi Everyone,
Sorry about not updating for a while. We are nearing the end of semester and things have been getting busy, plus when I do have time I am finding myself quite tired and I just don't think of updating.
Saturday was an interesting day for our dorm. Byron, one of our RAs, proposed to his girlfriend and she, of course, said yes, so that was an exciting bit of news. Later that day we find out that our dorm parent's oldest daughter also got engaged that day. So there were to engagements on the same day. When it was announced, everyone gave a big cheer.
And then the guys immediately began telling me that I 'needed to get on that' and started giving me suggestions on who would be good to go for. Silly guys.
There was basketball at the school as well. We have varsity boys and girls, and junior varsity boys and girls. Sadly, they played two games each, and all of our teams lost every game they played. So that would put the school at 0-8 for the weekend. On Friday night the Varsity Girls played a close game and got to overtime, but ended up losing by four points. Very exciting. The rest of the games were not so close, but I was glad to watch my guys playing hard and having some fun. Even though they lost they looked like they had a good time.
We also had a Christmas concert at the school. The choir sang some songs and there is a group called "A String Thing", because it is entirely string instruments (except for the piano, though I have heard it argued that you 'could' call it a string instrument because it does have strings). It was a nice variety of songs. Often these types of concerts are a bit dry and repetitive, mostly composed of slow songs, but they mixed it up well and everyone looked happy. Plus, it wasn't too long. Maybe I'm just not able to focus for too long, but long programs make me horses live near us and they are pretty neat.
The house across the street has a cat that recently had kittens and two of them have made a habit of coming around our dorm and hanging out. Lately I've only seen one of them, a black and white one (black on his back and sides, white on the legs and belly), and we call her Ace. Very cute, but still has her claws, so we try not to startle her.
Only one more week to go and then the students all leave and we have a few weeks before they return. It will be nice, I am ready to relax for a while. A group of us are going to Adelboden, a town in Switzerland in the alps. Janz Team (the mission I am with) has a chalet there and it is apparently very pretty. It sounds like the skiing conditions (I love the word 'skiing', the two i's that are together look neat) are pretty good, but I probably won't go this time. I just can't afford to right now. But I don't mind, I have done some travelling, and I am just happy to be here. Germany (and Switzerland, and what little I have seen of France) is a beautiful country, and it is just interesting at how old in a historical and interesting as opposed to decrepit and broken, everything is. One of our dorms was built in the mid 1700s. It is older than the United States, and way older than Canada!
Well, that is all for now. Remember to email me, or comment here, I would love to hear from you!
Darrell